DON'T LOOK BACK-

Last post for the year---I've done a LOT of thinking--what to write----I am being directed like Lot's wife--"Don't Look Back"--

So--Instead of rehashing what you all already know--I am going to look forward and give you my list of "I Hope To's" for 2012. I don't call them resolutions----resolutions can be broken and then you are defeated. "Hope To's"---well if you slip up and sometimes fail--start over--try again.

Here they are in quite random order:

1. Turn toward God---moment by moment--seek Him---don't sit around waiting for Him to hit me over the head (perhaps He has already done that a time or two)---Look for Him--tune in to Him---Embrace Him--Let Him be Him---and show me how He wants me to be.

2. Find balance in my life--church, family, work, play, fun, exercise---strive to come up with a better balance--ALL work and no play makes Lora a VERY dull girl.

3. Laugh---smile----have fun---don't dwell on the what if's, why's, if only's--accept what is---go from there and find joy.

4. Plan a project for others--at least once a quarter---keep my eyes and ears open and find time to do for others--even when working.

5. Enjoy and be with all my wonderful friends--make time---take time---no excuses.

6. Listen--to those around me and that God places in my path---be perceptive of what is being said and pro-active about what I can do.

7. Dig in the dirt---paint a wall---continue to make this my home.

8. Listen for how God is directing me about my work. Do the best I can for those that I work for-be a friend and mentor to those that I work with--use the wisdom and knowledge gained from all these years--for the betterment of those that I am surrounded by.

9. Be a better Mother and Lulu to the most important people in my life. Listen-play-help-be there for them. Remind them of how proud I am of them and who they are---Give them my blessing.

10. Live in Peace---with Who God Is--Who I Am--and Where I Find Myself--accept-embrace-make the most of each moment He gives me. Know the plans He has for me---and know His great undeserved love for me. Know that He indeed has His eye upon me each second and is never surprised.

I am grateful for all that have read---
all that have supported openly--
all that care--

God Bless You All Mightly in 2012-HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ME AND THE BIG BOYS!

Today---

LONG oval table

7 Great Looking Men

Lunch & Talk---

Planning

Clouds--

Financials--

Budgets--

Projections--

I spoke---they listened--

You Jealous Yet!

ECUMENICAL SMORGASBORD

I am enjoying feasting at the ecumenical smorgasbord! I have always teased my SIL about participating in worship at several different churches--at the same time. I have come to decide she may be onto something after all!

I have been working with the Episcopal vestry in a business engagement. I have found that I quite enjoy my "High Church" friends. I've always loved the liturgy and rituals of high church--knowing this has been used in worship for generations.

I am also working with the newest church in town which is a a strange duck in itself since it is the combination of two churches. WAIT! GASP---two churches are joining together--not splitting---WHO IN THE WORLD EVER HEARD OF THAT! The worship is more contemporary---get this---THEY DON'T PASS THE PLATE! You are expected to give willingly and as instructed in the Scripture. There is some hand clapping, some hand raising, and in general a little joyous worship. Pretty contemporary

Last week I attended Christmas Eve services with #1 daughter and family & #2 son--- charismatic---and quite wonderful. Free---worship as you feel--you may be sitting by a pauper---in thread bare clothes---or a granola doctor---quite the eclectic mix. I LOVE IT!

SO---I love the entire smorgasbord----could dine at a different table every night---enjoy and love it all--somehow I think God must love it all too!

ME AND ALL THE BOYS ARE HAVING LUNCH

I have a business lunch Friday. One of the 3 jobs I am working on currently has called a meeting of the "Financial Committee" Friday. Little Old Me and about 10 men----HUMMM---All Financial Types---NOW ---I know you are all SO jealous knowing that we will be talking over budgets, financial statements, projections----and how to suspend it all in the cloud


EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!

WHO AM I?

Who am I now? How do I monogram my towels and sheets? I know I will always be a James---my birth name---but who am I now. Does the fact that I was married for all those years and my children all have that name mean that I am still my married name? Somehow I feel like I am in limbo land---not quite knowing just who I am. My professional license, my driver's license---the title to my new home--all those important papers have that name on it. It would be a huge task-that I do not currently have the energy for to change all of that---but somehow it does not feel right anymore.

Who am I now? Not a widow---in society's sight--even though the Bible gives the status of widow to me. Not a wife anymore--when one leaves the marriage--the other has been abandoned--there is no other way to look at it. So since we are both alive and well---no one is widowed.

I could go on and on--you get the drift--how do you treat your friends and acquaintances in my place? Who are we?

MY SWEET KIDS

Christmas is over---I survived-My children and grandchildren made the survival possible. We were all together at various times during Christmas week---some longer than others---but all together. We stayed busy-we cooked-we ate-we played-we walked-we talked-we were together.

Christmas will never be the same as it was--but there are many others that are experiencing the same struggle of finding a new normal. Is life ever normal? Well for many many years-I thought it was pretty normal.

On a cold-rainy Christmas day this year---I stopped and was thankful for being warm and dry---many are not. I had all my children and grandchildren-together--many are not able to be together. I had a great time cooking with Gabe and eating with all the family-many are hungry. I tried to put it all in perspective. I have family that I love and that loves me--many are alone.

It was not what it had been---but it was good. I somehow managed to raise 3 wonderful children and gain 2 more my marriage---LUCK?- God's Grace-plain and simple! I am thankful for them and our time together. So one last time--Merry Christmas!

ANNUAL CHRISTMAS LETTER

Dear Anyone in The WWW--who might or might not know me--

It comes the time of the year for my annual update following all of your Christmas letters telling me how well you all are doing-including your successes, riches, children succeeding, trips to points of incredible interest, trophies won, awards gained and diplomas eared. REALLY your life sounds quite blissful--almost Eden like!

This year has found me going back to work. It seems that I began work with paper and pen 40 years ago and now found myself "on the cloud". I cannot seem to find the cloud--much less figure out how in the world you get there! WHO owns the cloud---which part of the sky does it reside in!--does anyone else have access to my personal cloud?---is it all vapor? can you touch it? WHO IN THE WORLD CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA?

My travels have consisted of 2 trips to Erie,PA where I toured the back of a moving truck --and then flew to Fort Worth with a 6 month old and a 24 month old, and my 336 month old. It was REALLY fun and those sitting around us were delighted by the shrieks and cries as we flew the friendly skies, especially by the 336 month old.

I have been in training for a new career in packing, shipping and receiving. After moving 3 households in a period of nine months. I have become quite proficient in it. The secret is to throw most of the junk away. If you have not seen it or used it in a year you do not need it. What EVER possessed me to buy all of this crap anyway!

My short career in retailing---a garage sale---proved to be WAY to much bang for too little of a buck---after weeks of getting ready--and then standing out in the August record heat to have someone bargin with me over hundreds of dollars of stuff that I marked at $5 and they want to know what I will take for it---REALLY??? I suggest call your local charity and see if they will come pick the junk up---it might even be worth a donation to just get it off your hands. Remember one man's junk is another's treasure---somewhere out there is SOMEONE loving my crocheted toliet paper holder.

After a spring and summer chasing armadillos and shooting holes in the side of the house---I moved into a town neighborhood. I just knew my trials were over---then the smart city deer appeared---they have taken things to a new high by spitting out the plants they don't like. I have replanted my pansies a dozen times so far. Someone told me you cannot shoot a gun in the city limits----I am shopping for a compound bow in the near future.

After all these FUN times this year---I am sitting here with my mature daughter and son-in-law in their red union suits with the forever lazy quick exit snaps and # 2 son, Gabe who is sweating after a fun evening of being Santa's helper. The other 2 grands and #1 & favorite DIL left yesterday after all being together here in Fort Worth-including Lulu's cooking, a trip to the
Children's Museum- and a walk to the park just down the street to play and feed the ducks. The little cousins LOVE the big cousins---what a delight!

We went to church together tonight ---babies in tow---Carols, Scripture, & Candle-light---communion--a reminder of how God has truly blessed me. Home now in front of the fire---with the tree glowing and the presents under the tree----all waiting for Santa to stop by for his snack and milk sitting by the fire.

Merry Christmas to All &
To All A Goodnight-
LORA

THIS IS WHY

I am in TX moving #1 daughter into her new house. #1 daughter is in Erie visiting with her sweet friends that she had to leave behind when moving back to the South. WHY--I have been asked a million times when I have told this story--Why would you do that?

Because she has blessed me with 2 of the 4 sweetest grands a "LuLu" could ever want. Because she has talked with me, laughed with me and cried with me. Because she is a Servant of the King. Because she is one of the best mothers I have ever known. Because I love her and her sweet brothers more than I could EVER say--and would walk through fire or take a bullet for any of them-their spouses or children.

AND because I need someone to take care of me in my old age---

Was getting a little too serious there---besides ANOTHER chapter in my Camille book---she is QUITE the girl!

WHY WERE WE BORN?

I tend to be a deep thinker-believe it or not. SO today on my birthday---I am thinking about why was I born?

The answer is really quite simple--

To glorify God and give Him good pleasure...

It is not about us---

It never was and never will be

the ONLY peace will come from serving Him by serving others

I think about the times in my life that I have been the happiest--most joyful---most content--at peace--

It ALWAYS revolved around Service---dying to self----putting others first---I have never been happy, joyful, content or peaceful when seeking what makes ME happy--

SO as I reflect and as I pray my birthday prayer---my desire is to put God first---look to Him--listen to Him and be open to what he places before me and in my path---and then have the courage and energy to tackle that task-

There is no other reason to be here---but to give Him great pleasure & bless His Holy Name.

DIFFERENT BIRTHDAY

This will be my first birthday alone---probably ever---there has always been someone around-all my life. What does God do---he puts 2 in my path that are suffering.

One OLD friend--who sobbed on the phone while talking with me yesterday---it broke my heart--SO I am preparing Lora's famous chili for supper tomorrow night and she and a few other close friends are coming to be together. We are CALLED to be here for one another!

Another--a BRAND new friend---HAVE to spend some time with her tomorrow--if she will let me---we need to talk--God is directing me...

AND THEN---there's the sweet little family we found out about at the 11th hour---they need Christmas gifts---trying to see all this is done before leaving--

SO---1st birthday alone--proves to be VERY busy--thinking of others--Thank You, God!

TIGHTEN-THICKEN-UPLIFT-----

I am NOT believing the point I have gotten to in life----it now takes me more than my usual 10 minutes 15 tops to get dressed. I HAVE determined what the problem is-----I've been duped by the media! I watched TOO many commercials and think that I can look like I am 10 years my junior---WHAT an IDIOT!

I have these serums that I put on my face to tighten up that maybe not quite as tight skin on my face. I have this stuff to rub on my head--to thicken up those thinning locks----I have the whitening toothpaste-used with the electronic toothbrush--to protect against gum disease and make my smile glaringly bright--I have the drops you put on your eyelids--to replenish the eyelashes that gave up the ghost--and then there is the complete body lotion to tighten and firm aging skin

GOOD GRIEF----THAT IS JUST THE TiP OF THE ICEBERG!!

BUT----one thing is for sure-----YOU CAN'T FOOL MOTHER NATURE!!! She's a relentless mistress----bound and determined to have her way! SO I GIVE! Take me away Calgon---OLD is OLD----WELL I may not can do anything about the age I look-----BUT I CAN do something about the age I feel--and basically I still feel young and I am definitely ready to rumble--SO THERE MOTHER NATURE----TAKE THAT

JOB OFFER!

One of the things I miss a GREAT deal is having someone to share my day with. Friday after work--I picked up Helen and Debbie for our quick trip to Monroe. The first 30 minutes--my day POURED out of me---I am not usually that big of a talker---I had just forgotten how it helps to rehash---think through---process what your day has been like.

So perhaps I will put an ad in the local paper--

Employment Opportunity--

A set of ears to listen---without comment--except on rare occasion--to the ups/downs---ins/outs--wonderful/sad/puzzling/irritating/surprising/happy moments in my day. The sometimes hilarious---(droopy drawers)---sometimes serious--releasing or reprimanding an employee--sometimes joyous---a word from God--sometimes impossible---can't make another step -moments of a day. Requirements-accept and like me for who I am. An occasional day off--but sometimes 7 days a week. Compensation---loyalty and service beyond your imagination AND I will listen to your day also!

WHEN YOU LIVE ALONE-----

you can watch Hallmark movies to you could actually write one yourself. You know---everyone is sad---Christmas is just not going to be right OR we are not going to have Christmas AT ALL--OR their is a grump who is spoiling all the Christmas fun

IN charges---the good fairy---the sharp elf---the knight in shining armor---and SAVES Christmas---and MAGICALLY EVERYTHING is decorated from the top of the trees to the garbage cans and EVERYONE is singing Carols in the street with perfect harmony and pitch and the Knight marries the Princess---

AND THERE WAS PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TO MEN!

I am a TOTAL SAP and still believe in Fairy Tale Endings----

I MUST be delusional or some other Psycho Babel Term!

P U S H !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

35 YEARS ago today, I pushed ONE BIG BABY into the world--without the benefit of drugs. I was into the "Holistic Approach" to childbirth----Natural Childbirth was all the rage. He had the usual BIG James head---and was quite the little chubster on top of that 9+ pounds. If I remember right, I think I weighed 10 pounds more than when I got pregnant and here he came almost the entire 10 pounds himself.

I wanted to slap everyone in the delivery room before he finally made his arrival known to us all. He began crying immediately and didn't stop for at least a couple of hours. I don't blame him---we both needed those drugs!

He is one of my biggest fans and continually supportive---I was Blessed beyond measure that day. His heart is large as the state of Texas where he lives and is always soft when it comes to family.

SO WISH I was with him today to give him a huge birthday hug---love him more than I could ever explain---

SO

A HAPPY BIRTHDAY---GABE---will have to do for today and then the hug will follow soon.
LOVE YOU, Sweet Boy!

IS CHRISTMAS JUST FOR FAMILIIES?

I have always loved Christmas---the lights, the decorations, the tree, the stockings,----I love to just go over the top! I have my house decorated from one end to the other inside. I am disappointed with what I have gotten done on the outside, but hopefully next year I will do better.

I love the special programs, the concerts, the recitals, the parades, the parties,--riding around looking at the lights---being with friends and especially being with family. It really all revolves around family and friends. How much would we enjoy all the sights and sounds of the season without our families?

The special reminder of the wonderful gift that was given to us LONG ago is certainly the most important thing about the season. We can actually love and relish that part of the season---alone---for we are never really alone--He is faithfully always with us.

Is Christmas for families--perhaps----but the birth of Christ---that was for all of us.

TO HELP IMPROVE YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT---

I have had the privilege to be asked to shop for an 11 year old girl whose mother is addicted to drugs and her Auntie is raising her. It breaks my heart to even think about how she must feel--but I have the wonderful honor to shop for Christmas for her.

I went flying to Monroe tonight with Debbie and Helen in tow to shop after a LONG week. I must admit--I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO GO TO MONROE---but after getting in the store and starting to shop for her---it was all joy---What fun---to once again play Santa Claus and for someone that has so little.

THIS is what it is all about!!!

THE LATEST IN OFFICE EQUIPMENT

Going back to work has been quite the adventure! I put myself "Out there as a "Consultant". NOW not just ANYONE can be a consultant! You need to have YEARS of experience===you know---have gone down the road of "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly". Wisdom comes from trampling that road----intuitive awareness---it does not come from the Yellow Brick Road---but more like the school of hard knocks. You have made mistakes--but you learned from them--you are willing to share that knowledge and experience.

I currently have 3 different jobs going on at once. The really interesting thing---I have a ROLLING file cabinet----MY CAR. It works quite well--MOST of the time. The front seat has the ECR files---the back right seat of the car has TB files---the back left seat has DH---I have it down to a fine science---PULL UP to the business---open the appropriate door---pull out the files---IN YOU GO with the laptop filled backpack in tow.

ONLY trouble is---SHORT STOPS---things go flying---WHAT A MESS!

WHAT IF------

In Small Group---we are studying the book "Hearing God"' tonight we talked about what if you heard God speak in an aloud---audible voice---what would He say---What would His voice sound like? I have often thought I heard from God---but I must admit---I have not heard His audible voice---

Would it be booming-

Would it be the soft whisper of the evening breeze--

Would it sound like a man--

Would it have an authoritative resonance--

Would it be the gentle whisper of a lover in your ear--

What would God's voice sound like?

THE WHYS?

We all have "Whys" in our life.

I had a co-worker that I noticed was unusually quiet and subdued today---when I asked her was she alright--she replied, "No". I then followed through with "Work or personal?" It seems her husband died unexpectedly today-2 years ago.

I have another sweet friend that lost her precious granddaughter this week. SO tiny---and yet perfectly formed---here but for a short time---and now gone.

My sister in law has had a re-occurrence of her breast cancer --five years after her original diagnosis and now she has had to change chemo twice searching for an answer.

My friend's brother in law died suddenly and unexpectedly recently at 57.

My father died when I was 14.

After sharing 38 Christmases ---with a husband---this year he will not be with me---

The Whys of Life

HOW YOU CAN HELP---

I've been thinking about where I am and where MANY others are during this holiday season and what you might do to help. Yesterday I had 2 sets of dear friends just show up---one with a hot toddy for my cold and a nice visit and the other with good conversation and a listening ear that told me I could just be who I am at this time and understanding of my broken heart and tears. This led me down the road of what has helped and what has not---I KNOW all have good intentions---but here--from my personal point of view is what I have found-- HOLIDAYS especially are EXTREMELY difficult--

What you have known for years---the traditions---the expectations---all of it---has to change---NOW I KNOW that a new normal will come with time---but for now--I am grieving what is lost.

To those that say "I am strong" and "You will be fine"---NO right now--I am not strong---and I am doing all I can to just put one foot in front of the other. I understand that you want me to be strong and you want me to move on ---but for today---I am a mess emotionally---still crying daily---still grieving. Your expectation of me "Being Strong" makes me feel like a failure --AGAIN----I know you do not intend that and are trying to help by reminding me that I am strong---but perhaps you are reflecting your expectations of me and not accepting me for where I am and helping me to return to "strong" at the speed that I can manage.

If you think "I am better off"---perhaps I am---but for now I am mourning the wonderful past and all those years of oneness with another. I would just like to magically turn back the book to 3 1/2 years ago. My desire is to have someone by my side that has shared a lifetime of memories with me to remember them, speak of them and cherish each moment of our life as a family. The day may come when I think--yes, I am better off---but for today---my heart is aching for what was.

"Count your blessings"---yes I am blessed--FAR more than most are and I fully realize that---I acknowledge that God has showered blessings upon me-including sustaining me in the dessert---but read Psalms---David was certainly blessed--including the blessing of being the fore bearer of The King----but yet he grieved, he called out to God, he asked for righteousness to prevail---all very human responses to betrayal.

So what can you do---for a friend who is grieving during the holiday season? What will help---a kind word, a pat on the back, a surprise visit, an invitation to dinner--accepting where they are--and not trying to make it better---just being a friend.

Many MANY have done very well at doing just this for me---praying and telling me---being my friend and I am thankful for that. I guess the bottom line is just accept those around you during this time of the year for where they are and if God gives you a nudge or an open door to help--grab the opportunity. Yes-it will get better---yes I will stop crying all the time---but it will never be the same and finding the new normal is very hard. Just bear with me and I will always thank you.

SSS

STRESSED

STUPID

SAD

SO SORRY!

So sorry to all that responded---but no birthday party/Christmas Open House this year---perhaps next---Promised I would not talk anymore about it--

MY NEW LOVE AFFAIR!

I just LOVE to find something new to love. You know you just CANNOT get enough of them---when you first make that discovery.

My current love----STICKY NOTES FOR THE COMPUTER-----you know when 3M first came out with these darlings---I LOVED THEM and NOW I have them all over my computer --they are great! Bad thing about the sticky notes on the computer---you miss the satisfaction of HEARING them being torn off and then wadding them up and throwing them into the trash.

Now---someone needs to come up with a way to have different sizes and colors for the computer as well---that would make me even happier!

STUPID FACEBOOK!

Does your facebook have advertisements on the sidebar for "Thinning Hair"---"The Age of Your Body"---"Dentist Alert for 50+"---"Wrinkle Cures"---"Chronic Pain"---"Joint Relief"---"Match Making"????? I COULD BE INSULTED!!! They had better watch it! It's not good to make Ouiser MAD!

FOR CHRISTMAS--

Dear Santa,

I have really been a good girl this year and can truthfully say have avoided even the hint of naughtiness---and the good news is I only have a very short list of only 2 things I would like for Christmas--

1. BIG UGLY WARTS to grow on the nose of certain Witches.

2. An ENDLESS supply of nose and ear hair growing from OLD men who act like fools.

I'm not sure if THAT will make me happy as I once was asked---but I am willing to try it on for size---just in case.

SO Dear Santa, I will go back to being a good girl again---and try to do always what is right, but it would be nice if you gave me these 2 small things.

MOMMA WAS A SNOB!

I loved Momma --but what most of you that knew her don't know was that she could be quite a snob at times. She was very proud of having the lineage to be a DAR member and even prouder of being a Daughter of the Texas Revolution BUT she was the proudest of being a descendant of the Mayflower. YES that is correct I am a direct descendant of the Pilgrims. She was a member of the Pilgrim Doty Society which was all the descendants of this pilgrim. After all these years---there are quite a few of us.

When reading her material--I made the following discoveries---which I gave her a hard time about till she left us:

1. Pilgrim Doty was the first man put in stocks in the New World.

2. He came over as an indentured servant---because he lacked the funds to pay his fare.

3. When he finally married, his wife had the first pre-nup in the New World.

NO WONDER---we are who we are--

A little naughty
Basically Middle Class
Liberated--Independents

BUT still we did come over on the Mayflower!

CHARACTER CONFLICTION

To understand this post (I know I often write crypted posts--SORRY) skip down and read the post about Christmas magic. After I posted it---I had a comment:

Should I or should I not apply for the position as Christmas Elf? That is the question. Decision made! I'll apply. Why, you may ask, would someone apply for such an arduous task. Simple my dear lady, I have come to know and fallen in love with my grandson, my first grandchild, and the magic of unbridled joy that Christmas brings to their entire being has smitten me. I too want to again revel in the happiness that the season of the holy birth brings even if to a child it is represented by Ole Saint Nick. So, if the position is still open, count on me to run hidden extension cords, hang wreaths without nails, "squint" the arrangement of lights on the shrubbery,and position the angel atop the tree even if a ladder isn't handy. I'll arrive quietly with a proper introduction. Until then dear damsel, I will while away the moments shining my armor and girding my steed.
November 22, 2011 8:05 PM

NOW for my response since you all all up to speed---

I am really concerned about you and think you may need to seek professional help. You seem to be suffering from "Character Confusion". I think perhaps you slid back in time and read some of my older posts---especially when I was on a quest to find "Prince Charming" and in an effort to fill all the rolls---you became confused.

I am pretty sure that elves wear felt costumes---with shiny buttons. They also tend to favor pointy shoes with bells on the toes and a pointy hat that matches their outfit---also made from felt. Also elves appear magically and leave behind some wonderful surprise---such as my house being decorated without the need for adult supervision.

The Knight in Shining Armor to the contrary favors shining armor which is certainly not soft, but will work well when slaying dragons. He indeed is always saving the damsel in distress---but I am pretty sure he has a staff to shine the armor for him and the stable hand always girds the steed.

I am not unappreciative of your volunteering for this daunting task--but ---have dealt with confused characters in the past. I strongly suggest you think it over before you climb the tower or sprinkle your magic----it may be a sign of need for LONG hours of therapy to get involved in the Chronicles of Ouiser.

ON THE ROAD IN TEXAS

Click on this and make it larger--then read the sign.

Some are not able to read---sign says:

PONIES ARE
NOT
ALOOSE!

-----------

There is nothing to say but---this is just hard---gut wrenching---heart breaking hard!

BITS & PIECES BEFORE TEXAS

For those of you that have missed the fun (I actually love what I do) of being self employed---it is NEVER easy to get out of town. You work twice as hard to leave and when you get back ---this huge pile is waiting for you again. I currently have 3 projects going and worked on all 3 today. There's only one of me ---but somehow I managed to spread me out.

I leave early tomorrow

"All my kids and grands live in Texas"

my favorite country song and oft repeated theme! My sweet children can't seem to get it together which means I get to make a fast tour of most of the state to see them all. I am NOT complaining though. The parents of my grands always welcome me and I anticipate some wrestling and rolling in the floor with my 4 favorite men in the world. I will have an entire set of new bruises when I come home.

I have begun decorating for Christmas & I am planning a "Christmas/Birthday Party" for myself. The past 3 birthdays have been disappointing---but I plan to enjoy this one. SO IF you would like a piece of birthday cake--the kind I like most and would like to see the new house---message me on facebook or comment on the blog and I will send you the details. NO gifts--except for a child's book for a child that probably doesn't have many or maybe even any.

OK---it's 10:15. I still have not packed and have a early morning run----time to get busy! OH YEAH---I ran 5 miles Monday WHOOP WHOOP! Only 21.2 more to go before the next marathon!

OHHHH---I GET IT!!!

I am going to try to explain a God thing that happened today---BUT I have a professional -ethical obligation to be careful and not breech confidentatlity--but it is important that you hear this---God is teaching ME!!!

I had the opportunity to plead mercy and grace from someone that I don't really know--that did wrong---that deserves punishment---but I felt compelled to plead for mercy and grace for that person tonight. Why did I do that---I looked at the person and I saw flaw---desperation--wrong doing---but I also saw potential---yet fraility-- a lost soul--trying to fix the mess they were in---and absolute hopelessness. I looked and was so sympathic---so wanting to try and help.

I pled grace and mercy for someone that owes me nothing---that has no way to ever repay me--does not really know me---yet I saw her and wanted to save her. HUMMM--what does this remind you of?

GIVE ME THE OLD AND THE SLOW!

OK--I LOVE my running buddies---but really I have grown VERY weary of seeing all of their rears when we run. I have all their gaits memorized---know their body shapes from the back -better than my own rear view. I either need to get a new group to run with or need to work harder so I can run faster. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!

Yesterday -long run day of the week---I announce I have the lofty goal (these days anyway) of running 4 miles. THEY LAUGH!!! OK-so they are off to run 10 miles----GROAN! They take off like their rears are on fire and the pond is a mile away. Good grief---after a mile---I am beginning to loose sight of them.

NOW most of the world would be impressed with anyone that can run 4 miles-at my age especially---but this crew is just slightly---NO HIGHLY intimidating!

SO I am looking for OLD---SLOW runners to run with. ANY TAKERS!!! I need to feel better about myself! I could be your next mission project----HELP AN OLD GIRL OUT HERE---come run---but only slow---Make me look good!

DEAR SANTA ELVES---

After watching HOURS of Hallmark Christmas movies--I have come to believe if you ask it will be granted---SO indulge me in a moment of child like faith

Dear Santa Elves--

Christmas has always been such a magical time for me and I have ALWAYS believed. As you remember, after Daddy died---Momma lost the magic and Christmas and any celebration in her eyes--disappeared. Yet---I persisted and insisted in decorating and holding on to the magic. You remember----I would put up the tree---decorate the house---even as a girl--trying to hold onto the childlike desire for happiness and good cheer.

I became a "Grown Up", and had a family of my own. I TRIED TRIED TRIED to make it magical for the children I had been blessed with. I decorated, I baked, I made candy-I shopped for the perfect gifts. I Believed---it could be magical for them as well. I loved each and every Christmas---and have MANY wonderful memories of every Christmas ----it was all joy.

When the grands started coming along---I loved being with them at Christmas and sharing the time with my friends here at home. I enjoyed Christmas---still decorated--but with maturity had time for other seasonal celebrations and they were joyful as well.

The last 3 Christmases have been sad and missing the magic. I was wrapped up in my desperate attempts to keep what had been---but that is gone now. I am trying to recapture the joy and magic that Christmas has always been. So Elves, I have put up a tree that I will light up after I return from my tour of Texas next week. All I am asking is that you come and magically decorate the outside of my house. The door---some lights---anything---I would just like for you to sprinkle a little Christmas joy on me this year.

Christmas is magical----the best gift that was ever given came that first Christmas. I believe--I really do---help me spread the belief.

Your Faithful Christmas Lover
ljc

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO!

Dear Lessie,

I hate to break this to you, but I don't think things are going to work out. With all the ups and downs in our life, I must tell you that I have been using you as a ploy to get what I thought I really wanted.

I went into our deal with duplicitous intentions of luring the enemy back into my camp. What was I thinking---the enemy is the enemy---and is only out to gain free laundry, cleaning and cooking services. I guess I will never learn---and the bad thing is I have lured you into my evil scheme.

Oh--Lessie---I feel bad, I should have NEVER listened to the Barber from Seville. He is of the enemy and is only using me for his on personal entertainment. When he laughed tonight as he saw us together---OH how I knew--the terrible road I had gone down with the enemy leading the way.

Forgive me, dear Lessie---forgive me---I am so confused.

Your Loving Leslette

I THINK I NEED A NAP!

I am currently consulting with 2 different churches-----one very conservative--contemporary--on the cutting edge-------the other----long history----slightly liberal--by today's standards---High church--old school--long tradition!

One has a board of elders comprised of men only---no committees--lead by the vision of the congregation elected elders with pastoral staff part of the elder board.

One led by the governing council-which includes many women---committees--all elected and approved by the congregation as are all financial matters.

One connected in a long line of heirarchy to a HUGE denomination with well defined lines of authority.

One totally independent with no up line (well of course except for God) accountability.

WAIT a minute---I'm on over-load---Wonderful people --all of them---I just have a difficult time keeping them straight---who is called what and who is in charge--and where does the buck stop?

WHO'S ON FIRST- WHAT'S ON SECOND!!!!
I'm going to bed!

GOOD NEWS!

GOOD NEWS-I found my missing butt---I guess from all my long sleeping sessions and sitting at a desk all day everyday---it got pushed out of position. I found it hanging out on the sides of my waist when looking in the mirror this morning.

I believe they call those "Love Handles"----Now if I could just find someone to hold onto those handles!

I'M A NUT! OR CRAZY?

Just one more thing you need to know about---if you ask me anything long enough in advance--I will think it sounds like a great idea and agree---MOST OF THE TIME---I will go through with it.

Friend, Babs, is off to NYC for a trip with her daughter. I have never been to NYC, but would love to go. OH and this time of the year--the Christmas lights---the romance of it all!

I am acutely aware of how out of shape I have gotten while wallowing in the pig sty called "self pity". I need to get motivated and back on track and have tried several things but always fall off the wagon.

SO today---when once again trying to get out on the road again---Sandra mentioned signing up for the NY marathon for next year. "SURE-sounds great"

WAIT A MINUTE---WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! This will require training during the hot summer months---I am grossly out of shape---I have gone back to work---when will I have time for all of that training! BASICALLY WHAT WAS I THINKING!

The GOOD news this is a lottery marathon--so you first have to get pulled to be able to run. I have started praying now---GOD--I didn't know what I was doing---I am crazy---You promised to take care of Fools!

OH well---I did run 3 whole miles this AM at a sort of decent pace---ONLY 23.2 MORE MILES TO GO!

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FILL ALL!!

I know I said that I was through posting for a while---I just need to get this off my chest--or rear--whichever seems apropos---I don't care what they say---one size DOES NOT FILL ALL!

After a LONG time of not wearing panty hose--I found myself in a pair of heels today that well they just require hose. SO I have to dig through every basket I have in my closet before I finally found them in the bottom of my running shorts basket (What WAS I thinking). I pull those sweet babies on---put on those heels and head to work. Either I have totally last my butt-or these things are not made to stay up. I spend the remainder of the day--trying to keep the waist band above my thighs--MISERY! By the end of the day--decorum had flown out the window and no matter WHO happened to be there-they got to see me grab those babies through my dress and tug them up. WHAT GENIUS thinks one size could possibly fit all?

I'M OUTTA HERE

I will not be posting any new blogs for a while. I have decided it is time to take a break and try to get my life back on track. I need to quit wallowing in self pity and try to go on with life. Perhaps posting some of the things that I have been going through and feeling are not aiding moving forward. SO until I can come back and write about the funny antics I manage to pull and the bright side of life---I will be 'Blogger Absentee"

It is as I was told Wednesday night---I need to focus on the many blessings in my life and stop dwelling on the other. SO I going to try to learn to do that-

In the meantime read all the blogs I have on the sidebar---they are all great writers and you will love reading them also. Thanks for reading along-

ljc

YOU DO KNOW---

You do realize there is some EVIL Techo-out there in the highly technical world of computers who thought---HEY I KNOW let's come up with this thing called "Word Verification" and I KNOW we'll start out making it just a little blurry and run together---but the more they do it---the harder we'll make it. HEY--it will be a GREAT LAUGH to see what they think this word is--Can you just imagine the things they will type---AND THE FRUSTRATION! After a couple of tries when they don't get it right--we'll kick them out and make them start all over---THIS WILL BE GREAT FUN! Frustrating the Technically Challenged!

HOW DID I GET HERE?

I walked away from work tonight asking myself this very question. Why am I working at almost 63 years of age---instead of doing all those things I so dearly love---volunteering/cooking/gardening/reading/exercising/traveling on and on---I have LOTS of things that I love to do---but there is no time-or I am too exhausted to really pursue them anymore. I am working again.


I never dreamed that I would be where I am today. It never occurred to me that circumstances would require this---but I am where I am. I suppose what brought on this questioning time was the fact that my current job is almost over---I will be retained to check with the company for 1/2 a day per week---but the day in day out is almost over. So I am beginning to look around and make inquiries again.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a president from a local bank.

When discussing with him coming by to talk this over with him, he asked did I mind if the 4 other commerical loan officers sat in on the meeting. "That would be great". So I will be in the room with 5 bankers--trying to sell my services. NOW that is daunting!


I am thankful that I LOVE what I am doing and that God has opened doors for me. It could be worse--I could be where I am and have no skills---but I do have skills, wisdom and maturity. I just need to get that second wind to be able to do it all again---perhaps it is like endurance running---it will come with practice and time.

MIRACLE DRUG!

There is a NEW--better and improved drug out on the market for your indigestion/runny nose/ in grown toenail. It will CURE any of these ailments!

Please be aware though that even when it cures these minor everyday occurences--it might also cause these side effects--

Heart Failure
COPD
Pneumonia
Tired Leg Syndrome
Chronic Back Ache/Leg Ache/Stomach Ache/Head Ache
Fallen Arches
Toe nail fungus
Psychotic Tendancies
Athletes Foot
Jock Itch (Men Only)
and sometimes unpredictable suicide

BUT your runny nose, indigestion and achy toenail will be cured!

OH GOOD GRIEF------!

I am sick and tired of all these decisions I am having to make!!! Ok---so I am mowing my own yard----and I do not want to hear how easy that most be with only 1/3 of an acre----I am using an old fashioned---you propel it yourself lawnmower. NOW ---I like to be independent--I have a nice young man that will come mow my yard and edge for me---BUT he uses a BIG-HEAVY mower---which I don't like the way it makes my yard look---SO I MOW!

Today I decided that I would go shopping for a self-propelled mower---WHOOPEEE---it provides the energy! So I pull into the Honda store---NOW I should have KNOWN I was in for trouble when I looked around and EVERY vehicle in the parking lot was either carrying a 4 wheeler in the back or camouflagued-----DEAD GIVE AWAY I AM OUT OF MY ELEMENT!

So LONG time friend and owner John greets me at the door---after he tells me all about his wife's health issues and thoroughly depresses me about our bodies all falling apart as we get older and you are NEVER going to get over this--He hands me off to a nice young sales--NO health complaints--THANKFULLY

I tell him what I am looking for and then the converstion begins---most of the basics I get since I DO have a mower--but then he starts in with the self-propelled requires an additional lever---but you don't have to use it---and you can bag or you can mulch instead--WAIT I thought when you mowed over something it WAS mulch---it's just leave it or bag it. SO then he give me the price---I pick my jaw up off the floor ---but then think well that's basically 8 mowings by someone else.

THEN I remember I like things neat and edged. I ask him about an edger----I glassed over when he got to the point of telling me about the 10 ft of string you wind into the do-ma-hicky that holds it and how EASY that is & OH YES---it is easy start. YEAH RIGHT NONE of this stuff is easy start.

So now I'm home and I'm in resting after mowing 1/2 the yard with my old stand by---time to get back out there.---and I'll think about a new mower/edger tomorrow-SCARLETT!

ADAPTING TO CHANGE

One of the most difficult parts of being alone--is the weekend. My life is such a whirl of busy and activity and work during the week--that I usually fall into bed at night--almost too exhausted to think about it. On Friday night though---I come home----and don't have to think about tomorrow's work---or try to prepare for it---It is too late and I am too exhausted to begin weekend chores--the house is quiet--there is NEVER anything on television. It is a difficult time.

I was thinking this over tonight and I know MANY people are alone out there---they have worked all this out and I have to figure out how to do that also. Right now---I don't know how and I miss someone listening to me talk about my week and hearing about their week.

If I could just sense you listening---perhaps just writing about it would be enough---but I don't think it is the same.

My latest contract is winding down and I will be looking for the next one probably next week. This contract has turned into return visits of 1/2 a day a week---now if I could just find 9-10 more just like that. I will say I have LOVED working--it is stimulating and I am being stretched out of my comfort zone. That is a great thing. God has blessed me so far with opportunity and fellow Believers who have used my services. We will see what He has in store next for me next. He is teaching me that He is faithfully sustaining me--even in the most arid of deserts.

WHAT ABOUT VACATION??????

I hate to whine and complain---but when you have grown accustomed to certain things---you think you are entitled----THUS the welfare system---SORRY--wrong track!

For the first year in 40 years----I have not had a vacation. I have had some wonderful times with my children and grandchildren---but no VACATE-ion----Just nose to the grindstone. SO I have not had the chance to de-stress-un-wind-lay-back---HAVE A BREAK!

My running buddies went to Canada this year to hike---I didn't go

My running buddies are going to Italy next summer---I am not going

Perhaps I should buy a tent and go camping at LPP.

ONE HAND ONLY----

I've had a little boo-boo removed. Thank goodness I have a cute young doctor to help get me through the pain. I have a cyst on my ring finger on my right hand. THANK GOODNESS IT'S NOT ON MY TRIGGER FINGER! How do they take care of this? The first step is trying to drain the cyst---now doesn't that sound like fun! Unfortunately the cyst is on the part of my finger that I rest on while writing and I write a LOT at work. SO--the cyst was becoming a problem-- Dr puts a syringe filled with med in one side of the cyst and the other side he puts an unfilled syringe that he uses to suction off the fluid filled cyst. WHAT FUN!

He explained that this is not usually successful as he put a splint on to protect the finger--the next step is surgery----Don't think so! Can't work with that!

I've had a growth on my left ring finger too---the growth turned into a real problem---becoming an inflamed---reddened---wart like growth---that would go and come--go and come for years...I finally had to have it cut off---Now all that's left is a huge scar that causes great pain from time to time. Thank goodness I am predominately right handed---I can still function, work, and keep on going. It's just that the left hand ---the partner to the right---needed for so many functions in life---well it's become useless. HOW SAD!

POUR ME OUT WITH THE DISHWATER!

I am feeling like you do after you prep for a colonoscopy---sorry I don't know a better description. It's that feeling like someone has sucked every ounce of your being out and then for extra measure gave it a wring out the other way. Perhaps it is the weaning off the happy pills--and finally having to really deal with where I am. I don't know--why---I just know what I feel---and that is not good at the moment.

Ok-Mike Jones--you told me to tell how I feel--be honest---so I am being honest---and more than likely everyone is sick and tired of hearing about it---I am tired of crying and tired of looking at my navel--it's not a very attractive navel----sick & tired of being sick & tired.

HELLO GOD----I'm hurting down here! WHY WHY WHY---that's all I need to know.

Dear Thelma,

I'll buy the convertible with my IRA----I'll fill it up with gas---I'll buy a GPS that finds the nearest cliff---When can you come?

Louise

Don't take that seriously--my sick attempt at levity!

ANOTHER OPEN LETTER!

Dear Hallmark, Lifetime, Love, Etc--Channels---

I am finally at the point in my life where I can watch your networks--channels-ad nausem-and I must admit I am beginning to become a little nauseated.

How many movies can you make about "Happily Ever After"---"The Right Person Always Wins"--"True Love Overcomes All"---etc etc etc? Perhaps I am a little jaded here on Real Life Street---BUT LOVE BITES! THE GOOD GUY DOES NOT ALWAYS WIN! When you are my age----there is NO such thing as Prince Charming---and sometimes---just sometimes---we don't live happily ever after.

I must admit---when I watch a movie---it's all about escape and I don't really want reality---GIVE ME LALA LAND EVERYTIME!

Alright--I'll just change channels when I have had enough of LALA Land---I do now FINALLY have the remote in MY hand!

Dear Match.com-part deux---

Dear Match.com--part deux,

You obviously got my last letter and read most of it---at least down to the part where I said---NEVER MIND-. I know you are busy trying to get all of the world fixed up with the perfect mate---but I have changed my mind about using your services. After speaking with a friend tonight and her relaying the story of after putting in all of her data, you replied---NO MATCHES FOUND---I do not believe I am prepared for that rejection on top of all of the other rejection lately in my life.

I would appreciate you NOT sending me any more pictures of the single men in my area in the age bracket of 30-35. I am not sure WHERE you got the idea--that I might have the slightest interest in this age group! Since both of my sons are older than these men? that you have suggested I might be interested in---this sounds slightly ---well in fact---HIGHLY BIZARRE. It was a dead give away when I saw on line names such a Stud-muffin, Hunk, Sexy, Muscle Man, Sweaty & Flexed, etc etc that I was in the wrong age group.

Thank you from dropping my name from all you blurbs for blogs and NOT considering me as eligible or interested. I will refrain from any more contact-if you refrain from any more contact.

Sincerly,
Lonely--BUT NOT--Desperate

DEAR MATCH.COM---

Dear Match.com,

My sweet friend, Mona suggested I contact you as I was relaying how lonely I am at times. She thought you might be able to find the perfect match of someone to spend some quality time with and enjoy each other's company. S0 perhaps--where I should start is by describing just what I think I am looking for----


TOP number one on the list is someone that loves God---praises Jesus---is not ashamed of the Gospel and strives to know Him better. One who is after the very heart of God.


Someone who is loyal----faithful---would never betray--loving----tender---sweet---who listens like there is no other person in the room and truly cares what is being said. Not necessarily the best looking person I've ever seen---in fact preferably NOT---clean---dresses neatly---no outlandish body art---unless it is well hiden--and smells nice.

Someone who still loves fun---doesn't mind a bike ride, a hike, a walk, a game, kayaking---adventures of all kinds. Loves to play with the children---like a child---doesn't mind a good ride down the hill in the wagon.

Someone who looks for opportunities to be with friends---enjoy laughes---doesn't mind crying occasionally at sad and happy times..


Someone who enjoys the beach, the mountains, the sunrise, the sunset and glories in creation. Someone who will work to conquer their fears for the sake of an adventure. Brave and willing to take a risk for the sake of a laugh or wonder.

Someone who has their eyes open and their ears atuned to the needs around us and strives to help without need for glory.

Someone who doesn't mind a pratical joke and would be willing to participate in playing a joke.

Someone who loves my family----thinks they are wonderful and relishes times with them. Someone who loves my friends--enjoys their company--and looks for opportunities to share times with them.

Someone who enjoys digging in the dirt- admiring the garden---and watching the flora and flauna bloom and blossom as it grows.


A good cook---a good eater---not opposed to a glass of wine---likes to sit on the porch and watch the dusk fade and sit in front of the fire and watch the embers dwindle.

Someone who enjoys reading and might even read what I write and comment

Someone who might reach out and touch just for the sake of connection and just to show their love.



WAIT---I've just described me----NEVER MIND---I'll try to do better at enjoying me---when those lonely times come.

Thank You For Your Time,


ljc

THIS IS GOOD TOO!

I know who I am and that's all that I am! (as Popeye would say)

I am a small town girl with a red neck twang and a tendacy to put it out there just as I am. No airs---no pretenses----I was born in a small Southern town----I am from middle class America & really have no desire to be anyone but whom I am. I don't put on airs---I don't forget those that made me whom I am--I don't aspire for bigger, better, richer, more exclusive---I am proud of my roots.

I love those that God has placed in my life---with no reservations----the most important thing in my life is the relationships I have been blessed with---I will be your mother, sister, friend, and "Lulu" to the day I leave you---I will be faithful and NEVER betray you. I will listen to what you say----give advice when asked---and love you without bounds or cause.

These are not bad things---I would like them about someone else---so it must be another good thing about me----maybe?

SO WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT ME????

One of the best things that I can think of that's good about me----I can laugh at myself---

I have done some DOOZIES in my day---

How many of you have walked out the door on your way to work without your skirt on--in my defense---it was a long time ago--when you still wore slips---I had a full time job and a family to raise and care for----that's my story anyway AND then told the story on yourself

How many would chase around after varmints in the middle of the night with a gun they sort of knew how to shoot and tell the story?

How many would shoot a hole in the side of the house, through the wall, through the shower curtain and lodge it in the shower and tell the story?

How many would admit being "mammary gland challenged" and tell the story?

How many would walk around with droopy drawers all day and tell the story?

How many would lock the keys in their car while sweaty and gross at the grocery store and tell the story?

I don't mind laughing at myself and telling the story---so that's one good thing about me...

Of course to some---you never admit these things----and certainly not on the WWW---appearances are most important...

But to me---it's all hilarious when I pull these stunts and I can't wait to share them with you.

QUESTIONS!

I am weaning myself off my "happy pills". I decided the only thing they really do is dull the pain you need to experience to ever go forward. So I am almost thorough the weaning process, and the pain has returned---intense---real---acutely painful!

The question that I keep asking myself---What is wrong with me?-----am I not pretty enough--smart enough---verbose enough---charming enough----on and on Why am I alone? I have to walk down this dark road---and hopefully walk out on the other side into the sunshine.

I went and voted tonight at the same precinct that I have voted in for 28 years. The ladies know me when I walk in the door--we have established a relationship over the years---I will now be in a new precinct. I cried when I left----so MANY goodbyes.

I started seeing a counselor this week--trying to move forward---since I have not been able to make that move yet. She told me to write down the verses from The Word that pertain to God's love of me and how He feels about me. She told me that I have the head knowledge--it's convincing myself now that it is a heart truth. I have only been able to write one truth down---

"I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel and
afterwards you Will take me into glory."

One of the things I have missed most is the touch---I am praying that God will let me physically know His touch.

Pray for me as I pray for you----He will take us all into glory.

HOW CUTE IS THIS!

HOG KILLING TIME!

The weather begins to cool and stay cool and I am reminded of the many stories that Pappaw told us about "hog killing time". The first crisp fall day---with the promise of cool temperatures hanging around all day--was the time to kill the families pork supply for the year.

I have watched a special on television this week about the continued practice of this old tradition in South Louisiana. It was fascinating and perhaps a little gross---you see ALL of the parts of the pig are used---nothing goes to waste. MAJOR GROSS!

All this said---to get to this----the hog had to be fattened up before slaughter time. He received an extra rich diet of corn---and scraps---loads of food. This produced the fat---which in turn produced the lard once the pig was slaughtered. A fat pig was desirable at slaughter time.

Most of us cooks know what makes for the MOST delicious dishes---a good helping of fat/lard/butter....I don't care WHO tells me how delicious their low fat dishes are---they are just storing or trying to deceive their self. THERE IS JUST NOT ANYTHING AS GOOD AS A FAT LADEN DRIPPING IN BUTTER DISH!

Try it for yourself. Boil a little squash in some water and then put a little pepper only (salt is not good for you) and mash it up. Now on the other side---fry 2-3 pieces of bacon and remove the bacon---put your sliced squash and sliced onion in the hot grease with a touch of flour and plenty of salt and pepper and smother until tender. Serve with the diced bacon on top. I'll let you be the judge of which is better & I don't care HOW long I live---I will never prefer or get used to or prefer the other. We've all got to die someday and I am going to have eaten ALL these delicious dishes on the way. I can't imagine living another year and having missed all of these culinary odysseys!

PASS THE BACON!

HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR NEIGHBORS

My true colors have shown up this weekend while the kids & grands have been here. All the neighbors thought they had this quiet as a church mouse---little old lady living in the hood. They got a taste of the real me this weekend. Sunday night the Conville clan came for burgers and we had a great time. It digressed to the babies running around in the back yard screaming and laughing with their diapers on--followed by a short streaking pass before said diapers could be changed.

Today, after work, to entertain the little ones---we washed the cars in the front yard and made a red neck swimming hole in the sink in the drive. The neighbors were quite entertained with the two little ones---again with diapers only---squealing and splashing in the front yard.

After 28 years of living in the middle of 5 acres of trees, I might have forgotten how to behave in civilization!

A HOUSE BECOMES A HOME

Everyone that visits comments on my new house. "It looks just like you" "I love your house" "How cute"----but somehow it still didn't feel like home. I have had great fun putting it all together---but at times of great stress I would find myself headed back to Vienna without even thinking.

This weekend I have discovered once again what makes a house a home----crushed cheerios in the rug, spilled milk on the chair, a floor with not one square inch not covered with something, dirty dishes in every room, dirty clothes on every floor, toys in the yard& on the drive & in the garage, unmade beds, shouts of joy, tears of babies, shared meals, shared laughter, the melee of everyone talking, sweet toddler voices, and a baby's babble.

A mess---that's what makes a home---a huge wonderful--fun filled--lovable mess.

MY HOUSE RUNNETH OVER!

I arrived from work to find #2 & # 3 here with #3 & #4 grands. WHAT A WELCOME SIGHT! Another oasis that God is providing in my trek through the desert.

#3 was thrilled with my 2 latest finds---a tool bench from a resale store and a brand new---working---garbage truck. He has picked up and dumped out garbage all afternoon. We then came in and he tried to drown brother in the tub--immediately after Lulu gave him 2 ice cream sandwiches while his mother was in the other room.

I've paid for that since I am sleeping with him. Finally got up after picking up the paci for the upteenth time that he somehow lets slip off the bed. FUN TIMES!

How I love my chicks!

BREACH OF PROMISE!

Dear Fairy God Mother,

Where is my "Prince Charming"? I've read all of your tales---and it seems that the "Damsel in Distress" is always rescued by "Prince Charming"----the "Knight in Shining Armor". I am in distress---in danger--in peril'--it occurred to me while I was mowing my lawn with my Lora propelled mower that I should not be doing that-Prince should! SO---what's the deal?

LOOK---I need rescuing from mowing the yard, smashing my finger while trying to hammer a nail, putting up a mirror that's too heavy for me to lift, pulling down the attic stairs that will not budge, screwing in screws, keeping my feet warm, taking out the trash---you know the basic day to day "Prince Charming Chores". You've lead me to believe that all damsels should have a "Prince Charming"?

YOU KNOW I MAY SUE YOU! You've made promises that you have not fulfilled! I have no "Prince Charming"----I am a "Damsel in Distress"---I have needs-You have lead me to believe that my "Prince Charming" would fulfill those needs---We have an implied contract---I am suffering from "Alienation of Affection' from my "Promised Prince Charming" and breech of promise of "Living Happily Ever After". YOU CAN EXPECT A LETTER FROM MY
ATTORNEY!!!

Distressingly Yours,

Damsel In Distress

MY BUTT iS MISSING!

I've noticed while looking in the mirror after dressing in some slacks that it looks like a covey of quail flew out of my pants. My butt seems to have disappeared---or fallen---or flattened--or something!!! Looking around as I go and come---I seem to notice the same thing has happened to others----their rears have disappeared too. It's epidemic!!! Where oh where have all the butts gone---LONG TIME PASSING???

FIRST CLASS SISTAH!!

FOR WOMEN---SISTAH'S ONLY!

Oh---Fellow woman out there in blogging land---HOW I LOVE MY SISTAHS!

I do have one little discussion I would like to have with all of you----as Camille used to say---a "Come to Jesus" meeting.

JUST because my cup does not run over---does NOT mean that I am any less of a woman---AND FEEL YOUR PAIN!

For as long as I can remember---I have not felt like "The Complete Woman"----and ALL to do with the size of my underwear! I somehow managed to feed one of my babies-a la naturel--I've had multiple cysts--drained-removed surgically---basically I've got the equipment---it's just that my machine does not have the sound proofing that yours does.

No---I do not have back problems----and no my shoulders do not hurt---and no I DEFINITELY have not considered reduction to a single letter size---(already there) and no my undergarments do not cost a fortune (they are cheap in the pre-teen department)---and yes I do prefer padding and underwires---and anything else that might help enhance what's there---and no I am not affected by sagging-drooping--or any other such-if I will take the time to do 10 push ups---I am back to where I was at 15.

SO---I LOVE YOU---all my well endowed buddies---but HEY--I'm a sistah too---I just came in a smaller package. SO since this is off my chest-I will pull up my "big girl panties" and go on with life.

LOVE YOU SISTAHS!

PANIC ATTACK!

This has been a week that I wish I had taken that amnesia drug at the beginning of and it would work for the entire week---basically MOST of the week---I wish I could just forget-FOREVER!

I had my first-EVER-panic attack last night. Now the really strange thing about this happening---was I did not get in any panic over the fact that Philip & I were in charge of the decorating for a dinner for 150 and did not really get started with the ideas or decorating until the very last minute. Philip's wife texts me Tuesday night and asked are you too tired to talk to Philip about the decorating for Thursday evening---I'm getting a little concerned. NOT TO WORRY! Got it handled---well sort of--in my head anyway.

I have a new client, that God so kindly provided, and started working with them this week. They are doing a computer conversion----groan----I just finished another conversion project. Let me just say----the people that sell these to you---are not going to be much help once you have paid them! They had a problem that I tackled Tuesday---not to be beaten or out done-by this problem--I worked on it until midnight---2 days in a row. ANYWAY---

I left this office at 2 on Wednesday afternoon and went to 2 $ stores (find the darnedest things at the $ store)---purchased the basics for decorating---ran by Philip's home--discussed what we were going to do----left work at 4 Thursday afternoon and had the decorating finished by 5:30. NOT TO WORRY SONJA--it all turned out OK!

As the crowd starts arriving, I start feeling a little uncomfortable---the room is soon full of people- some my sweet friends, some acquaintances, and many I do not know. I had to run out the door 30 minutes into the event--didn't get to hear my friend, Sheila speak, my friends, Tami & Christi sing---WHAT A BUMMER. Came home ---went to bed at 6 PM---slept until 9:30 this morning when the phone woke me up.

I've got to go get tested for "Sleeping Sickness"--I'm pretty sure I have it!

ANOTHER HURDLE OF BEING ALONE

REALLY-I even find myself amazing! If I could get my leg that high, I would kick myself in the butt this morning!

The day starts off looking at the clock at 4:30 and thinking I REALLY don't want to get up and run. BUT knowing the Sonja and Sheila----AAAAHHHEEMMM--WHERE WERE YOU?-would be waiting on me, I slipped out of that bed --well fell out of the bed and got ready to go out the door. OBVIOUSLY-Sheila has no problem with early morning guilt complex!

I must say---the run was good --the cool mornings help-BIG TIME! When I got back to the car, I looked in the mirror and wondered "Do I dare run by the grocery looking like this?" Well never one to stand on decorum or looks---off I went. Grocery shopping done, I am packing the trunk with my purchases. I very smartly put my purse down to load the heavy water crate and pushed the trunk latch down when finished. OH NO---my purse is in the truck with the keys- OH WELL--I am sure the front door is unlocked since I unlocked all the car to open the trunk. NO SUCH LUCK---so the keys and my cell phone are in the trunk and the house key I can see is safely locked in the front of the car.

I tuck my tail and head back into the store to beg for a phone. I am thinking who can I call and what must I do to remedy this mess. WELL after a couple of calls, Jim comes to my rescue. It has come to me that I have to drive to one of the schools to get the ONLY other key from Sha--I then must drive to my house to get the spare car key--which thank goodness even after a move I know where it is---I then must go back to the store to get the car. NOW most mornings I would have pulled the garage door down-which would have been another hurdle since Sha's key ONLY opens the kitchen door---but today I felt sorry for my neighbors and my 5 AM noises and did not do. After driving me all over town---Jim has completed his rescue mission. A HUGE THANK YOU TO JIM!

Lesson learned----get more keys made---this morning---DO NOT PUT YOUR PURSE DOWN IN THE TRUNK---even if it is about to strangle you to death. Place keys in safe places in case this type of thing happens again. NOTE HOW SMART I AM---I am not revealing on the WWW where I intend to put keys nor which keys I intend to do that with. PERHAPS---I am not a COMPLETE idiot!

THE "HIGH BLOOD"

My doctor told me Friday that I have HIGH blood pressure. We talked it over and I am taking some steps to try and lower it myself-

I've had a boat load of advice so far---my plans were to eliminate some of the pressure raising happenings in my life

Exercise More

Rely Upon God

Here are some of the suggestions I have had--

Loose some weight--HAVE YOU SEEN ME LATELY?????

Tai Chi---very interested---don't know of a local Tai Chi society

Yoga---cannot get my parts to bend in that manner and my head seems to be pointed so I am not able to stand on it

Mediation---I AM REALLY SORRY---BUT I GIGGLE THINKING ABOUT SITTING AND HUMMING ---Just not a lot of serious bones in this old body.

PUMPKIN BAKING!

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW---if it is 96 degrees outside and you have no shade--and your pumpkins are in the direct sunshine in your flowerbed--they will bake! Take it from the voice of experience.

I cleaned out my storage house today and hung things up high. All it took was a dozen bruises and one smashed fingernail. I am REALLY GOOD!

I planted fall flowers and last night the deer paid a visit. They entirely pulled the plants out of the bed and left them in the front yard. I may need to get the gun out! The doctor told me yesterday that I had the "High Blood"---I'll bet shooting something will help get it down!

THE SUPER -SUPER HERO & THE VILLAIN

There is this awesome-strong-mighty-all powerful SUPER HERO in my life-----He swooped down today and saved me---the damsel in distress -- from the sheer terror of an idle mind---time to fret---and the reality of Alone. It was WONDERFUL---breath-taking---quite unexpected---and yet at the same time---never really a surprise. The fact that He is watching me and knows just the exact moment when I need rescuing is beyond my tiny mind's ability to comprehend.

My consulting job is coming to an end tomorrow----that reality hit me yesterday---even when I knew it was coming. I prayed---I fretted- I ONCE AGAIN did not trust----and what to NO ONE'S surprise happens---He sends one of His own to tell me that they need me ---I don't have to even get this next consulting job. It's just the fact that He once again swooped in and gave me hope--that was all I needed.

AND THEN the mean -evil-ugly-hateful--monster once again attacked. NEVER wanting me to relish the joy of the mercy and grace of His constant provision. He uses the tiny elf that he has blinded and turned into an imp to steal and destroy the joy that He gave me. He throws another dart through those that he has deluded and fooled. It hits me RIGHT BETWEEN THE BREAST BONE and puts another hole in my heart.

GET BEHIND ME---mean ugly hateful monster----MY SUPER HERO will win this battle and provide all that I need and be all that I need. I am HIS damsel and not in distress-but filled with hope and love and the mercy and grace that ONLY He can give. SO GET BEHIND ME VILLAIN! I have spoken it out loud!

THANKFUL!

Camille sent me a message that God wanted me to write down all that I was thankful for----that would take weeks---but here is a small sample-

3 wonderful, sweet, tender-hearted children that were the best gifts from God that I ever received

2 wonderful, sweet, tender-hearted children by marriage that were God's gifts to our family and the perfect spouses for my children

4 perfect-sweet-smart-good-looking and WELL above average grandsons-that always make me smile when I think of them

An extended family and family by marriage that have blessed me and loved me--warts and all!

More friends than I can list-that have prayed for me-loved me well-sat with me-cooked for me-worked with me-listened to me and stood by me---through thick and thin.

A beautiful home, food on my table, a car to drive and all the material possessions that I could possibly ever want or need.

The beauty of the sunrise and the sunset--

The fragrance and joy of a world filled with flora and fauna--that takes my breath away

The lick of a puppy and purr of a cat---the joy of seeing the deer on the side of the road in the early morning--the startle of the fox --and the wary glance of the raccoon--to name just a few

Grass under my bare feet

Digging in the dirt/painting a room/cooking a meal

Work that I love and that stimulates my brain

Creative ideas and the fun of seeing them come to life

A long hot shower after a long sweaty run

The memories of sweet parents, grandparents, friends and loved ones that have gone on before

The hug of a friend--the warmth of that embrace

A good book to read

Trips gone by and trips to come

A Book to live by

The hope of an eternal future

A Spirit to lead me and comfort me

A God that is beyond any man's comprehension to know or explain

Jesus

I have listed a few and spoken them out loud--

Good suggestion, Camille----I will spend the next few days---looking at all things different and thanking God for His goodness and perfection

Life is good---even in the desert

AND I will glorify His Name!

BODY TRICKS!

REALLY I never cease to be amazed!

Yesterday---a young friend of mine---you know the type---under 30---never been married---never had children---you know STILL FIRM---told me that she could make her belly (the pooch about the size of a deflated balloon) become a babies rear. Always intrigued---I BIT---SHOW ME! She proceeds to pull up her blouse and put her hands on each side of her VERY FLAT belly with a cute little navel ring (A DIAMOND!) and push the SKIN--THERE IS NO FAT--together---You end up with a little line and skin pushed together on each side-that I admit did look like a baby's rear. The other consultant that I am consulting with asked was this one of her party tricks. After I pulled myself off the floor from laughing-I told her that I would be REALLY impressed if she could do that with no hands.

NOT TO BE OUTDONE---but CERTAINLY not in company of anyone else---I tried the same trick this very morning after my shower. Now remember-I think Firm is the name of a Grisham book--- The kindest thing I can say is it looked more like a dehydrated mush melon!

I do have a party trick of my own---NOT for the faint of heart! Take a mirror and put it on the floor (NO we are not going to "Fried Green Tomato" land!) Lean over the said mirror and look straight down---once you are a certain age-it appears that your face has fallen off! FUNNY TO OTHERS BUT NOT TO THE ONE LEANING!

A LITTLE FRIENDLY COMPETITION!

NOW when you need to get out of a funk---there is NOTHING like a little friendly competition to do the trick! ESPECIALLY when the competition doesn't even realize you have them in your scope. I took a walk around my new neighborhood last night---and I picked out the prettiest-best kept and well tended yard in the neighborhood. THEY are my target. I went by Lowe's this afternoon on the way home from work--and the games have begun!

There's just nothing like putting your hands in the dirt--to give you that good feeling of all is well in God's creation. A few well placed pumpkins and flowers---and I have the incentive to do LOTS more. They'll never know what hit them and I will love every minute of having my hands in the wonderful soil. The dirt will be just begging for mercy and thinking it will collapse if I put one more plant in it!

PRETTIEST YARD OR BUST!

QUESTIONING!

Do you ever spend time questioning yourself? With my time in the cave, I have spent many hours asking questions about myself and trying to figure it all out. There are NO answers---as I have come to find---for we really will never know what others are thinking about us.

What's wrong with me? Am I not smart-pretty-tall-short-vivacious-charming-learned-on/on/and on enough? Where do I fall short? There is NO good answer to all of these questions.

What I have to remember is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made---God is the perfect architect. If He is happy with whom I am---then what else should matter.

If I could only get to that point---of knowing and believing that HE is all that matters!

DON'T WORRY---BE HAPPY!

I so appreciate all that have expressed concern---but DO NOT worry---be happy that I know from whence my help comes! My friend Barbara sent me the dictionary meanings of retreat---look it up---think about where I am and know that I need to retreat for a short while.

To prove that I am truly OK---here is one of my latest thoughts---


Is anyone else feeling strangled now that Fall is officially here? I have worn my beloved white sandals twice since Labor Day & Momma is spinning in her grave. SO out of guilt about doing "What is right among the fashion rules", I have worn closed toed shoes for several days in a row. Is it just me are do your feet feel like they are strangling after being set free all spring and summer in sandals and flip flops and then being completely wrapped and covered by closed toe shoes. They are screaming for AIR! Maybe it's just my feet?

Off to work---I have not been able to completely retreat---but work is almost a respite since I can only think of the number puzzle in front of me while there.

CAVE DWELLER

If you remember the story of David from the scriptures, you know that he hid in a cave for a while. I have found myself totally and completely exhausted--from the top of my head to the end of my toes---physically-mentally-emotionally. I am talked out---have nothing left to give and in serious need of a word from God. Our small group is studying a book on "Hearing God" and while reading over part of it yesterday I decided it is time to retreat from the world-as much as possible--be still-be alone-and listen.

I am in a not good place emotionally--even with the happy pills--so it is time to deal with the grief-quite running in circles--and face this time. The cave is dark and cold and you are isolated from the world if you go deep enough into it-but there is an opening and the light is waiting for you to re-emerge and I will see the light again.

For now---I need this time in the cave.

HOW DO YOU REMOVE THAT BANDAID?

I've been pondering that age old question---just what is the best way to remove that bandaid?

I know this is at the top of your list of worldly questions that need to be solved---but in my tiny-bizarre world--I've spent a great deal of time lately thinking about it.

There is the group that say --get it over with---pry up one end and give it a quick hard snatch. Remove it fast-and don't look back or think about the pain that will cause. Does it hurt more this way? Do you pull out more hair---perhaps remove the top layer of skin-take the scab off the wound-does it take even more time to heal the wound?

The other group say---slow and easy---a S L O W--removal trying to make the pain less by going slow. Does this just prolong the pain---are you still pulling all the same hair out and the same amount of skin---and even the same scab--only you are just dragging out the same amount of suffering. Perhaps it hurts less by going slow? The band aid has grown to your body----you feel like it is protecting your wound and the pain of it being exposed---but IS IT?

The same wound is under both band aids---it's still got to heal---you still have to expose it to the air for it to finish healing? What's the solution---a quick jerk with maybe only a few minutes of pain or the slow removal inch by inch hoping the pain will be less by the slow exposure of the wound?

How do you remove your bandaid?

SLEEPING NOT SO BEAUTIFUL

I think my emotionally and physically packed life finally caught up with me this weekend. I knew I did not feel well when I left work Friday afternoon--but thought HEY--I need a nap. I ran by and had a short visit with Nannie and then headed to my bed----here's how the reminder of the weekend went------

Friday 4:30--6:00 nap
supper & 1 hour of TV
Friday 7:30-7:00 AM Saturday Sleeping
Saturday-7:30 AM-10:00 Mowing & Yard work----(did you know that some mowers are truly SELF propelled---as you do it yourself?)
Saturday 10:00 AM-Noonish---Nap
Saturday Noonish-1:00---Call from attorney- upsetting-painting rocker
Saturday 1:00-4:00 Nap
Saturday 4:00-7:00 much need shower & supper
Saturday 7:00-Sunday 8:00 Sleeping
Sunday 8:00AM-12:15---shower/church/nursery duty at church
Sunday 12:30-5:00 Nap
Sunday 5:00--now supper catching up
WHAT TIME CAN I GO TO BED TONIGHT?????

Perhaps I have the sleeping sickness-----Where is Prince Charming to give me a wake up kiss???

OH WELL BACK TO BED!

AN OASIS---AGAIN!

God continues to amaze me by providing oasis after oasis in this desert time of life. I have a bad couple of days---a difficult period----and again He reminds me of His faithfulness and provision. I will not give you the details---only that tonight my sweet small group surprised me with a "House Warming" party. When the bottom seems near and I am pleading for direction and help---He has faithfully been my provision. WHAT A GOD!

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL-----

Good (?) friend, Sonja pointed out to me AFTER I had bought my new house, that the ALL glass shower was right in front of a wall full of mirrors. GEE---THANKS, SONJA! I am really not very observant about things such as this and may have never noticed---EXCEPT--she felt the compulsion to point this out to me!!!

I have tried various tacts to avoid the OBVIOUS---since NOW I know the sight that is to behold. It really does not work very well to shower in the dark--especially with a razor in my hand. Not looking is like telling a 5 year old to not peep at the surprise in the back yard---except the surprise is in a slightly worn and wrinkled package now.

I think I may have come up with the solution---turn the hot water on---allow the shower to steam up---jump in with your back to the mirror---enjoy your steam filled shower---towel off and wrap towel around slightly damaged package BEFORE wiping the steam off the glass. It's working QUITE well ---THANK YOU!

I have also drawn the line at doing some new work out video that Sonja has--something called "Suicide" or something like that--in Jennifer's music room which is filled with mirrors. She would figure out for sure just how much I cheat--if our image is being reflected back at us like a horror movie from late night TV. WHO IN THE WORLD fills a room with mirrors!!!!

THE ANTIDOTE MAY KILL ME!!

I have often heard that the antidote for a poison could be as treacherous as the poison itself, but I believe I am now truly experiencing this very phenomena!

After an emotionally and physically exhausting week-beginning last Friday with a drive to Fort Worth and back, I have spent the week in a whirlwind. I LOVED having my children and grands with me, but it also reminds me of how truly alone I am when the house is empty again. My solution to aloneness and loneliness has taken the turn toward busyness. I must admit-I might be a slightly driven person to begin with, but that drive goes into overdrive when I am alone.

I find myself volunteering for any and all projects that may come across my path. Want your kitchen painted--I'm your woman--need a babysitter-just give me a call--want a meal cooked for 20--sure-I have nothing else to do. Just a small example of the things I end up doing.

The kids left Thursday AM and went into pick it all up mode before leaving for work. I left work and ran by the grocery store I cooked chili for the work crew of 20 Thursday night and early Friday AM and put together all the fixings to boot. I volunteered to help a co-worker who is great with child at 4 PM yesterday with an accounting problem and ended up working until 6. I flew home and unloaded all the dirty dishes, changed clothes and took off to Arcadia to help paint my sweet niece's kitchen. At after 10:30, I all of a sudden felt a drop in energy and loaded myself in my car for the drive back home. Upon walking into my quiet home, I noticed the counter full of dirty chili dishes---SOOOOO------

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME??????--I can't seem to sit still and even read a book anymore----more later--I need to go clean house and paint picture frames and hang pictures and weed the flower bed-----

BUT WHHHHHYYYYYY????????????

I had a little conversation with one of my main squeezes the other night--you know a little pillow talk. It went like this---

LL---Henry, it's time to go night night.
H--(side note-picture both arms at right angles from the body with palm up and a questioning look on the face and tone in the voice each time) BUT WHY?
LL--It's dark outside and time to sleep.
H--BUT WHY?
LL--It's night time and it gets dark at night time.
H--BUT WHY?
LL--God wants us to rest our bodies, so when he makes it dark it is time to sleep.
H--BUT WHY?
LL--We want to be rested tomorrow so we can play and have a good time.
H--BUT WHY?
LL--Our bodies need sleep just like they need food so we can run and jump and play outside.
H--BUT WHY?
LL-Henry, it's time to go to sleep--close your eyes!
H--BUT WHY?
LL--Henry, I know you want to stay up and talk-but close your eyes and your mouth and lay down!
H--BUT WHY?
LL--HENRY--THIS IS NOT WORKING- YOU NEED TO GO TO SLEEP!
H--BUT WHY?
LL--DO NOT ask why again--GO TO SLEEP!

We had this conversation EVERY night. What is really bad is when I start laughing--which means we have to start it all over again. THE LITTLE STINKER! He is playing me like a cheap fiddle!

I am sitting here thinking this morning how many times lately I have looked at God with the same expression and asked BUT WHY??? I forget that just like Henry's earthly parents know what is best for him---so my Heavenly Father also knows what is best for me---even when I would prefer something else----He knows what I need and sees what is coming---I need to just rest in Him.

A NEW MAN IN MY BED!

I had forgotten how wonderful it was to sleep with a good looking man by my side after almost six months of sleeping alone. The past five nights have been such a sweet time of sharing a bed again. Cuddling, pillow talk, and just the warmth of a body next to mine have been pure joy.

From the last moment before you fade away to the second your mind becomes conscious of an awakening world, there was someone next to me. The middle of the night rousing were spent covering and touching and comforting and being comforted by that slow rhythm of anther's nighttime breathing.

To have someone say, "I love you" as the day fades to night and awaken you with "Hi, Lulu"--it has all been sheer bliss. I will miss my sweet Henry when he heads back to Fort Worth today. He has been a wonderful bed partner.

BULLS EYE!!!

I have begun to believe that I may have a bulls eye painted on my head! Seriously----think about what all has gone on in my life during the past few months!!!! If we grow from adversity, I believe I am 6'6" and weigh 350!

It is all SO surreal that I don't think I can even get it down on paper! It would certainly be a best selling book---but WHO would believe it----I call it "Bizarre World"!

You ask what is the latest---well let me tell you----Minutes before Pappaw Conville passed away ----Gabe found out that son Scott's home was in the path of the wildfires in Austin. They live in the lakeside community just below Steiner Ranch. There is one way in and out of Steiner Ranch and to their house and there are thousands of people and homes back in this area. The entire area was evacuated due to the danger Sunday night.

As we pulled away from the Nursing Home that night---I looked up and said "SERIOUSLY, GOD? SERIOUSLY!" I could not believe this was happening! If this is the refiners fire, I could stand a cool off!

They were allowed home today after 2 full days in a 1 queen bed hotel room---3 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs & 1 cat. NOW THAT sounds like FUN!!!!

I don't DARE ask what's next---it's like drawing attention to me being down here. JUST IN CASE you are wondering God----I could stand a break. If we are put through trials because of His desire for us to grow in Him---I am blessed------But GOD---there are others who need blessing too!

I JUST SAW JESUS!

I am so exhausted---I am in a heap---but I have to tell this story. ALL TRUE--the entire tale will take at least a couple of chapters in the book I will never get written, but here it is:

My father in law and the grandfather and great grandfather of my children and greats left us today. It has been a very brief-but powerful ending after 90 years to one who definitely fought the good fight. I will be honest with you, Pappaw was never my favorite---but Nannie was instead--BUT I never questioned his faith or where he stood--he quite frequently let me know in no uncertain terms.

Pappaw has been progressively declining for about 2 years, and I have spent MANY an hour with him during his decline. I have heard his stories SO MANY times that I can repeat them verbatim myself. He was quite the man---but above all he was a man of God and NOONE ever questioned that about him. God is smiling at him at this very moment because there was never a question and he boldly proclaimed where he stood with the gospel story.

I can best explain the depth of my respect for he and Nannie by telling you this. I left Friday AM after determining that he was no worse and headed for Fort Worth to be with the kids and grands. I did not plan to leave if the prognosis was bad, but all seemed stable. After driving for 4 hours, I got a text from my SIL that they did not expect him to live more than 24 more hours. I drove on to Fort Worth while trying to decide what to do. I went in Camille's house and ate a PB sandwich and drank some water. I then told her I had to go back after a 20 minute visit and started the 4 1/2 hour drive back. By the time I arrived home--I could have given the traffic report for I-20 east bound or west. I KNEW I had to be with them.

The next 2 days are a blur of singing hymns, reading scripture, telling Pappaw stories and generally just being by the side of two very influential and loved people in my life. It was a sweet time that I am SO glad I was able to participate in.

Today came the final chapter. Pappaw's breathing became more laborious and it was evident the time was drawing near. It was quiet and peaceful, but you never know the exact moment on these occasions. When it was evident that we were near the end, I came home to stay with Camille's children so she could tell her grandfather goodbye. Gabe was in attendance and not leaving the room.

After Camille came home and I sped back to be with them all, Pappaw spotted Jesus and left us all before I could get back. His wife of 69 years, his two daughters and grandson,my son were in the room with him. He had spent the past 2 days starring into space with no evidence of any recognition and laboriously working to breathe. They reported that all of a sudden his eyes once again opened wide and he had a smile on his face from ear to ear and then he was gone.

HE HAD SEEN JESUS AND WENT TO BE WITH HIM! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! "Well done, good and faithful servant!" I'll miss you, Pappaw!