Sunday, December 4, 2011


I've been thinking about where I am and where MANY others are during this holiday season and what you might do to help. Yesterday I had 2 sets of dear friends just show up---one with a hot toddy for my cold and a nice visit and the other with good conversation and a listening ear that told me I could just be who I am at this time and understanding of my broken heart and tears. This led me down the road of what has helped and what has not---I KNOW all have good intentions---but here--from my personal point of view is what I have found-- HOLIDAYS especially are EXTREMELY difficult--

What you have known for years---the traditions---the expectations---all of it---has to change---NOW I KNOW that a new normal will come with time---but for now--I am grieving what is lost.

To those that say "I am strong" and "You will be fine"---NO right now--I am not strong---and I am doing all I can to just put one foot in front of the other. I understand that you want me to be strong and you want me to move on ---but for today---I am a mess emotionally---still crying daily---still grieving. Your expectation of me "Being Strong" makes me feel like a failure --AGAIN----I know you do not intend that and are trying to help by reminding me that I am strong---but perhaps you are reflecting your expectations of me and not accepting me for where I am and helping me to return to "strong" at the speed that I can manage.

If you think "I am better off"---perhaps I am---but for now I am mourning the wonderful past and all those years of oneness with another. I would just like to magically turn back the book to 3 1/2 years ago. My desire is to have someone by my side that has shared a lifetime of memories with me to remember them, speak of them and cherish each moment of our life as a family. The day may come when I think--yes, I am better off---but for today---my heart is aching for what was.

"Count your blessings"---yes I am blessed--FAR more than most are and I fully realize that---I acknowledge that God has showered blessings upon me-including sustaining me in the dessert---but read Psalms---David was certainly blessed--including the blessing of being the fore bearer of The King----but yet he grieved, he called out to God, he asked for righteousness to prevail---all very human responses to betrayal.

So what can you do---for a friend who is grieving during the holiday season? What will help---a kind word, a pat on the back, a surprise visit, an invitation to dinner--accepting where they are--and not trying to make it better---just being a friend.

Many MANY have done very well at doing just this for me---praying and telling me---being my friend and I am thankful for that. I guess the bottom line is just accept those around you during this time of the year for where they are and if God gives you a nudge or an open door to help--grab the opportunity. Yes-it will get better---yes I will stop crying all the time---but it will never be the same and finding the new normal is very hard. Just bear with me and I will always thank you.


Linda said...

Having been along on this journey with another for the last eight years, I can promise you the lights will shine again but it will take time. Just know that there are lots of us that care and are rooting for you. Good sign is that you are in touch with what you need and not afraid to say so. We love you .... God bless!

Anonymous said...

I do know how you feel! It has been four years for me and I still cry! I still want to share things that happen daily! It does get better but it never goes away and I don't want you to think it does! I can hear a song, see a truck like his, see one of his children or get a call from one of his children and I lose it! It is hard and sometimes just having a pity party makes you feel better! Sooo I guess what I'm saying is everyone has to handle their own situation in the way that makes them feel the best! Praying for you everyday!!!

Janie Walker

Anonymous said...

Prayers going out your way all the way from your friend in Erie Pa! I had tears in my eyes reading that. I am sorry for your pain and struggles. You don't deserve it. That's one thing I have learned from your blogs that you are strong, so need to prove that now. My thoughts are with you. I do know a broken heart is SO painful. You will work it out and the flip side will be that much better! Blessing to you!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My sweet sweet know I love you, right??? You have helped me get through some really tough times in my life, and I neve heard you tell me that it will get better..and I have learned from are right...people don't need to hear those matter how well meaning they may be.....Just know that I pray for you every day, and would give anything to keep you from having to go through the pain and loss you are going through. I'm ALWAYS here for you have always been there for me. Luh ya! Goosie

Judie Harrell said...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!! I too am tired of people trying to "fix" where I am or figure out why I am where I am emotionally!!!! I'll stop being depressed when I stop being depressed about whatever it is. Met you many decades ago and don't know much about your situation but do know your words here encourage me tonight!!!! We are NOT alone in this time of year and emotions!!! Look forward to meeting you again and hopefully getting to know you better!!! I know God holds us both when we cry!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I know you are a wonderful person and so do many many others. Most folks always say kind words on here, but your hurt heart makes me want to go kick somebody's ass!

Love you

Chrome Cowgirl