SAD-Seasonal Affect Depression
I come from a long line of depressed people. I have always run to keep those good endorphins flowing in an effort to miss out on this wonderful inherited trait. Most of the time, I just do not have time to be depressed, but Christmas always throws me for a loop. Who knows what the roots of this are. I personally do not want to search through my childhood in an effort to find someone or something to blame for every negative thing about me. I just need to deal with it. For some strange reason, every year, I hit this real low during Christmas. Why would anyone be sad during this wonderful time of the year? It is a funky feeling that pulls your entire body and mind down into the dark. I do not like going here and have never really talked with anyone, except BC, about it. Perhaps I am not the only person out there who experiences this. This feeling snuck up behind me and wrapped it arms around me suddenly yesterday. I was not expecting it and was quite taken by surprise. Bobby & I talked about it last night and as I told him, "This too will pass." In an effort to push the blues out the door, I decorated the tree today. I still have lots of decorating to do, but in my old age, I take it a step at at time. I am about to go outside and get in the sunshine and work on the leaf accumulation. I refuse to give in-How could anyone SO BLESSED dare to be sad? I will not-I plan to push through the clouds and relish the sunshine of life once again. I remind myself -it is all in my mind-it is all in my mind.
Tomorrow I have to get up and run my 20 miles. UGH! The worse thing about that is that I have to do it alone. Double UGH! That which does not kill us-makes us stronger!
If you have not read Camille's blog from yesterday, you need to take the time. SHE HAS NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH DEPRESSION! She is definitely her Daddy's daughter. Thank you Lord!
4 comments:
LOVE YOU MOM!
Take care of YOURSELF!! I know how busy you stay making sure everyone else is okay...and they probably count on you! So taking care of you is taking care of them!! I am sure they will thank you later. Recongnizing your blessings does not always make it better...you feel how you feel; trying to cover it up or brush it off sometimes makes it worse. Counseling session over...
I am sure Daddy appreciates any time I actually use the graduate education he paid for. I love you! Ann
I can completely relate...last year was especially hard, but I had just moved home, away from some of the greatest friends I had ever known. I admitted for the first time to one of those friends about how I struggle with depression during Christmas. It doesn't make sense to me either, but it's always nice to know I'm not alone so thanks for sharing! I love you mucho and hope to see you and BC again soon!
Maybe it was thinking of running 20 miles by yourself got you down. Just say "no".
Sheila
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