TOUCHY SUBJECT!

While reading the daily newspaper, I came across a column about holiday gatherings. The paper reports that 75% of Americans have a relative that gets on their nerves. SHOCK! Now I am certain that I never get on anyone's nerves since I am the soul of flexibility and never have an agenda. What's not to like?

The column further reported that 67% find family get-togethers "sometimes very difficult" or "an obligation that is rarely enjoyable, but I do it anyway." The study also revealed that only 20 % of families avoid family gatherings all together even though a large number had ambivalent feelings about these gatherings.

Even with the difficult relatives and seeming ambivalence, the study still found that there is a desire for family connection and the subsequent endurance of the conflict. The columnist recommended that you use the brain's RAS to train yourself to ignore these problem relatives.

The RAS system acts like a filter for your brain. You tell your sub-conscious what to be listening for and it can filter all of the other goings on around it and hone in on that particular target. He gave the example of a business airport where we pretty much ignore all of the noise and goings on around us, but if our plane or our name is called, we hear it.

The recommendation was that we train our brains to ignore those things that tend to become troubling and create conflict. You tell your brain to concentrate only on those things that we enjoy and tune out the other.

Obviously, the author is living in a fairy tale land! I find it very difficult to tune out ballgames that are turned up until you have to shout to have a conversation. I find it very difficult to ignore comments that are made in a critical and demeaning tone. Most of us have a relative that at times become difficult. I find this behavior self serving and selfish bordering on hostile.

We Southerners are too polite, in most cases, to confront and meet the problem head on. We probably know this is a no win situation and the confrontation will only lead to worse problems. Coming from a long line of passive aggressive genes, I would never directly attack the problem, but more than likely would draw attention to the problem in a joking manner. After a couple of encounters with a problem relative, I just tend to withdraw and avoid all encounters.

To my knowledge, our immediate family does not have this problem. I get called on the carpet when I have over-stepped the boundaries. A close relationship allows for freedom of confrontation. When BC confronts me, I usually get mad in the beginning, but with thought most of the time agree with what he has revealed.

This Thanksgiving I am going to make a conscious effort to be aware of how I come across to my loved ones. Hopefully, we will all focus on the positives of each other and make every effort to be thankful for the bond that we will always have. I am blessed and I am thankful for my family. I thank God that I look forward to my time with my loved ones and look forward to each and every occasion for our circle to be joined again.

Enjoy your loved ones this Thanksgiving!

On a lighter note, I ran 9 miles this morning less than 40 hours after running 19. My legs were like tree trunks. It was so hard! The good thing to be gained from this is training myself to continue on-when I do not think I can go another foot. This is exactly how I will feel the last few miles of the marathon and I need to know-mentally-that I can do it. Blisters-sore legs-stiff hip- I Plod On!