Dear Special Friends in the World of Spam,
Your continuous flow of several hundred emails each and every day have me in a state beyond flattered-more like a state of flabber-gasted. The obvious interest you have in me and concern for my betterment have me in a state of bewilderment and wonder. What I am wondering is why in the world you keep sending all of these emails when I never read them, much less respond to them and certainly have no intention of buying any of your products. Really-if I spent the entire day everyday reading, I might could peruse all of the information you are bombarding me with. Since that will never happen, let me clear up a few things about me for you and perhaps you will see the futility of your efforts.
Your concern for my education is quite amazing. Since I now am counting the days until I can finally draw a monthly check from Uncle Sam and have been retired from gainful employment around 10 years, I have no plans to change careers. Your mention of a degree for a creative mind did prick my interest, but I once again realized-I LIKE TO PLAY & DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK!
I really appreciate your multiple offers for new credit cards, but am a little confused since you also want to help me with debt relief including bankruptcy counselling. Perhaps it is just me, but I find it a little mystifying that you want me to charge on additional cards, but then knowing that I am over my head in debt, want to offer some relief to me with a repayment plan/stick it to the credit card companies.
Your offer for a free dinner at Outback, Red Lobster, Chilis,..........sounds wonderful. Will the free dinner come before or after I try the scores of Diet plans and schemes that you send each and every day? First you need to fatten me up-and then you tell me I am fat-WHICH IS IT?
I guess you have spotted my picture somewhere on the World Wide Web since you have made an offer for free cosmetic samples. I really make an effort to keep my picture from being seen for this very reason. You also must have recognized the fact that I wear work out gear a great deal of the time-except when I am in blue jeans. This must have resulted in your offer for the gift card to Macy's and Sears.
The many and varied vitamins, minerals, and wonder supplements are actually quite enticing. You do realize that I take three handfuls of these very products already on a daily basis? As my doctor friend has informed me, I have the most expensive liquid waste known to mankind. Speaking of waste, while the berry colon cleansing is certainly a novel idea-I prefer to ingest my berries the old fashioned way-by mouth.
Your countless emails concerning my making money on-line are really entertaining. As yet, I have not seen one red cent from any advertiser or product-not even an offer for a free product or discount on said products. The computer you have offered while tempting seems redundant-HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT YOU ARE SENDING THIS TO ME ON MY COMPUTER?
Finally let me just close with the fact that I AM MARRIED and therefore am not interested in Single Dating. While I am sure that Marie and all of her counterparts are quite lovely girls, I am not interested in seeing their pictures. I will not be needing any Male Enhancement Products-FOR OBVIOUS REASONS!
Again let me thank you for your incredible interest in me and my life. Perhaps though you should do a little research into your advertisement target and quit filling my Spam Box with your cheery little emails.
In short-GIVE ME A BREAK!
Sincerely,
Your Faithful Deleter
3 comments:
Yeah, I have one the UK lottery at least 17 times in the last 2 days.......sick of it already. Where do these freaks come from and do they really believe that people buy their line of horsesheot.
Yeah, I have one the UK lottery at least 17 times in the last 2 days.......sick of it already. Where do these freaks come from and do they really believe that people buy their line of horsesheot.
WOW twice........that was weird
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