"HOW DO YOU GET OVER THE SHOCK OF BEING ALONE?"
I'm not there yet---sometimes I think I am better---but this weekend has been HARD!
Sooner or later---we all end up alone--I think the secret may be figuring out just "Who you are". I've never been truly alone until the last year. I have always had a Mother--Roommate--Husband--Child--someone with me for 63 years. I am now truly alone. It has not been easy.
I have spent most of my life trying to please and be the person someone else wanted me to be. There is no one now that has any expectations of me---no one to be critical-no one to point out what's wrong with my dress, my speech, my accomplishments--the short comings-in general of who I am. So now after a lifetime--I need to determine just who I am and analyze how I feel about that person.
The week days have not been really too hard---as long as I am busy with work. It's the weekends that are REALLY hard--especially Friday's for some reason. I have friends--but normally unless I initiate being with another--I am alone. I do have friends that sometimes ask--but for the most part I am in charge of being with someone else.
This weekend--I have spent a lot of time once again asking WHY would I want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me? Why would I cry when I realize once again--I am not wanted? What is wrong with me? Except this or not---I DO NOT WANT TO BE WALLOWING IN THIS! I am sick of it! After 38 years of marriage and another year of seperation--WHY can't I move on when I have been so soundly rejected?
SO---there is NO good answer to becoming accustomed to being alone---I am not accustomed---BUT I AM begging God to help me move forward---to remind me of his faithful unlimited love for me--to make His love all the love that I need. HE is the answer! of that I am sure.