Thursday, March 22, 2012


Well---I've been alone for a year now---a year of first's. I have survived---I have not bought a convertible--I have not found a cliff--I am still here. I have vacillated between the 5 stages of grief like a balloon caught on a spinning fan---never knowing which way I would be thrown the next round.

I have cried a river of tears----believed I would wake up and it would all be a bad dream--or that he would change his mind--ranted and raved at God---tried to pray it all back to normal--thought I would be better in Heaven---and now--today---"It is what it is"----and "I am who I am".

There are still occasional tears---sometimes a burst of anger--but after a year of "Doing the next right thing"---I am doing better. I have gained back 15 of the 20+ pounds I lost. I gained 10 and then started exercising and gained 5 more in 2 weeks. Exercise always does that to me--at this time-that's a good thing. Camille tells me I no longer look frail. I am back running my 5 miles--have to begin other work outs--but I am back on the trail.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed----camped out in Psalms----still camping there. I have purposefully done things that would keep me busy---and not in the cave I LOVE to crawl into. I went back to work--that's been a "life saver"---don't think I would have made it otherwise. God faithfully provided jobs. I have enjoyed working and the stimulation that keeps my brain going.

I changed my pattern at church--so it wouldn't be so hard to be by myself---for some reason--walking into church alone is really tough. I "Wrestle the toddlers" during the service we attended for years---and go to late worship--across town at the other campus. I have lunch with friends every Sunday---a rotating group---but always fun.

My house is slowly becoming my home. I have spent LOTs of time with the kids and grands--they have all been super---and I am blessed. The grands especially---are the sparkle in my eye.

I still have some hurdles to cross--but have more confidence that I will get over them. There are still some firsts---but the hardest are behind me. I am still hurt--alone and abandoned--betrayed---but I have decided I am just ahead of the curve. Most women end up alone at some point in time---as we still outlive the men-but the gap is closing. I am just 10 years or so ahead of my peers in crossing over to the life of a single. I am still lonely---a lot---especially on the weekends and evenings--but I now must find things to fill those hours--and I will.

My friends have been my life lines. Sweet Barbara has listened to me for hour upon hour and always given Godly advice and counsel---My Small Group has cried with me---prayed with me---supported me--helped me move-painted my house---been another family. AND then there are my "Running Buddies"---if you want to know why you should start running---it's because there is a very special bond formed when you run mile upon mile with others. I can't explain it---I just can tell you it's a fact. A HOST of other friends and my sweet family---James and Conville have been a reason to go on.

SO after a year---I'm still here---I am better--I am still in the desert---BUT God has provided oasis after oasis---answers to questions and prayers that I never expected. He has faithfully loved me---and never left me---HE loves me beyond my wildest imagination.

HOW BLESSED CAN ONE PERSON BE----He is providing ALL I need---even His sleeve to wipe my tears. I am thankful He has gotten me to this point--and look forward to the continued journey of healing--until I am totally whole and perfect--in His arms.


Shawn H. said...

Lora, you should write a book someday. I think so many people would be inspired and helped by reading your story.


knf said...

I am looking forward to the book! Lora, congratulations on your hard work, on never giving up and most of all, keeping the Lord your priority. You have inspired many, set an example and caused us to think about our own situations. Keep fighting the good fight.

jackie said...

Wish I had had you around when I went thru my divorce in 1977. I had a hard time getting over it as I had never had to work, but God opened that door quick for me as a lady in Farmerville called for me to go to work for her in her store.And my precious Sunday School Class at FBC FArmerville helped me so much. I can honestly say I know how you feel as I have been there, but know it does get better. The same thing happened to me as it did you. Seeing them and expecially with someone else Greally hurts. My family and his helped me alot too.God def puts people in your lives to help you thru these lonely times. I love you and if you ever need or want to talk, know that I am here.

Anonymous said...

it seems you know nothing of pain or being desserted or abondoned or what the awful scent of rejection really is. You sit in your comfortable surroundings and day after day espouse all of these hurts, but you don't seem to have to dig out a living after being alone for years and years. Life seems to be pretty good for you and you have plenty of friends and suppport groups and family and yet you live in anguish and pain. What does it take to satisfy you. You don't seem to appreciate even the simpliest pleasure of being and being alone which can be a real pleasure. What if you had to live day after day in pain and hurt and embarrassment and rejection and absolute humilaltion. Then and only then could you cry foul. You don't seem to have financial issues, you have plenty of friends and family and you have your self=respect. What do you want or need. I would say you sound pretty lucky.... I am envious... I have nothing, not even self-respect and not enough money to make next week without fear. I am sorry for the outrage, but I have had it listening to your belly aching. Grow up and live in the real world. This is just an opinion from one who had been and is there. Alone and lonely and rejected and feeling guilty.....and with plenty of fear which we might actually share eccept that ALL of my friends have rejected me and do not understand or support me. I will pray for you and us. I will support and care and pray for you. But GET OVER IT.....Life does go on......

Anonymous said...

Actually, I have had some different issues to get "over" that I have had no control over, and I have been struugleing with them for some time now, and YOU have helped my to see how O really need to just let it all go finally. I mean, I have also been praying (and will continue to do so of course) but have also been suffering over this one issue but it is something i nneed to just LET GO and you really just helped me to see tht with this blog post.

Anonymous said...

you mean we can actually have a different opinion and different take on all of this and still get along and "PLAY NICE"....WELL,WELL Miracles never cease do they. Well girls, welcome to the force.. We will out live them and do better than they and live without them and make it "just fine"... Are you with me... Lets storm the fort and take the SOBs over... Let's let all of that hate and bitterness out and detox ourselves and live life like it is suppose to be lived. You all, each of you can do this, let's not bath in self pity and self absorbtion, but live free and alive.... I don't need a man to make my life work.... It is so great to have gals follow together and make this deal work.. PO the male population, they are a bunch of hurtful noncaring slobs and deserve nothing buy our distain... Thanks for joing me.. Now let's move forward and overcome this deal. It sucks anyway....This is so great.... I can't wait...welcome aboard....LOL, LOL, LOL....

Anonymous said...

boy your post really seem to free up folks.... Never read so many "freeing comments".. This should let your posts have value and they you are releasing folks to a place to say things, "they never would say otherwise"... Just be careful with this new found power... It can have "side effects"..