Let me start by saying--I probably will not at this moment but-
Today for the first time in almost 11 months of being alone---I am seriously considering throwing in the towel.
Ruston is a small town---not big enough for anyone to truly be "incognito"-so whatever you are doing out there---it gets around--and makes the round---and always makes it way back . I am tired of licking my wound--in fact--the wound has had salt rubbed in it SO MANY times-that I am sick from the taste of the salt--As salt will do-it has depleted me and I am wasted.
My work has slowed down until starting tomorrow I only have a couple of hours of early morning work a day. Work has been my life saver--when I work I do not think of anything-but work. SO I am faced with long days of plenty of time to think---and think--and think. I have been amazed at how God has continually provided work--until now---and for some reason-He has slowed the stream.
I am lonesome from the time I get home until I go to work the next day---almost everyday. Sometimes there is a respite--but not often. The hours drag on--so I find myself sleeping as much as I possibly can--by taking my magic pills.
SO--today-If I had a place to live and a way to magically sell my house and get there--I would leave the town I have called home for 46 years and try to start over--in a place free from salt and pain. Can't believe I am where I am today--can't believe I can't seem to get any better-but I am what I am-licking my wound which is full of salt this week.