Thursday, February 23, 2012


I had a sweet visit with my MIL today at the NH. She was sad--and so was I.

She told me that she dreams about Pappaw and that she still cannot believe he is gone. She told me she thought she was foolish to feel that way. I do not think she is foolish---after a lifetime of loving someone--when they leave you---it is not real--you cannot accept it. She told me that her life had been always hard. I then reminded her of the sweet parts of her life--the birth of her children--which we talked about for some time---the birth of the grands---and now the birth of the great grands. I reminded her these were all blessings. We smiled and remembered sweet and good times in her life.

I too dream about the partner I once had---my dreams though are usually disturbing and leave me sad and longing. I hope I can get to the point of what I asked her to do---to dwell on the MANY blessings of my life. To think about what a wonderful life I had for most of my years--yes there were some that were hard-but the majority are blessed with raising children---even though at the time it seemed a struggle--I now realize those were the best years. What a blessing my children and grands are!

We cried together for what has been and what will never be again---it was sweet and still painful. She told me she didn't understand and I told her I tried everything I could think of--but life is just hard at times.

I reminded her--that my love for her would never change--no matter what.

This is not what God intended--but it is what it is---I am trying to think about the blessing He has bestowed and try to get past the sorrow. Heaven looks beter and better---


Hannah Lee said...

My Mom used to tell that when we go through a "rough patch" (and I know you feel it is quite larger than a patch) that it is Gods way of distracting us not to hurt us, but as a way for us to grow more spiritually dependent on Him AND, GET THIS- So that He can bring something so wonderful into our life and He doesn't want us tampering with it so we are learning about Him in the meantime. Believe in Him. I sure love reading your blog, and YOU, and I pray that you find some comfort today :)

Anonymous said...

After reading you heart felt thoughts for what seems like weeks now, I have come to the opinion that you need to move on. I remind you it is just an opinion. However after you have grieved, vented, cried and vented more and shook your fist in God's face, it does seem that you would move on. All who read you have sympathy and many of us have empathy but for yourself, your friends and your family, drop this line of blogging and move to the things you once blogged about. Even in your pain, surely there are still some good and precious things in your life.. Quick sand: the more you fight it the more it sucks you down.... relax, have faith and get better. We all love you....