IT'S NOT EASY BEING A SOUTHERN BELLE-EVEN AFTER YEARS OF PRACTICE!













Saturday, August 29, 2009

MAD WOMAN!!!

HOW I wish that I could post pictures today! Hopefully help is on the horizon with my laptop!

One morning this week as I left for my early morning run at 5:15 AM, I happened upon the "DEVIL" in my front yard. He is a short little creature with a look of a pre-historic monster! A long cylinder shaped body covered with armor and short legs ending with razor sharp claws, he looks like a drunk robot toddling around.

As I walked out the front door, I immediately noticed the DEVIL had once again been digging in my flower beds. He makes round holes-pushing aside the pinestraw and then throwing dirt as he literally digs up entire plants in his quest for his dinner. The plants probably will not survive as he cuts their long roots which work to sustain them. I AM NOT HAPPY! NO NOT HAPPY IN THE LEAST!

I then glance over into the front lawn and there the "Devil" is leisurely throwing grass divots-completely unconcerned with the light I have turned on or me. Like a mad woman-I TAKE OFF! He may not can see well-but he manages to duck under the thick shrubbery while I am in hot pursuit -throwing my arms and screaming at him.

It is a stalemate. It is too dark to find him in the deep shrubbery and I am short on time for my rendezvous with the Running Buds. I back out-muttering under my breath. And then like the STUPID creature that he is, he runs out and across the drive directly in front of me. I GUN IT! The MIGHTY stallion beneath my foot my weapon of revenge. UNFORTUNATELY HE GOT AWAY!

I am sure BC wondered "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE UP TO NOW?" In actuality he could sleep through a tornado and never heard a peep. NOW THAT IS REALLY COMFORTING-my knight in shining armor doesn't hear me yelling in the front yard nor gunning my Explorer down the drive.

I am planning a party for Mr. Dillo next week. I have invited Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

3 comments:

SND said...

Good writing, Mrs. Conville. Wish I could have been there to witness all of this. I have had my chuckle for the day!!

Anonymous said...

I second SND's motion. I would have given anything to be a witness to your escape with the DILLER!


Goosie

Lorena G. Sims said...

Thanks for the laugh. You remind me of my dear mother-in-law. She had a problems with slugs in her garden. She passed away now, but looking thru her stuff we found a diary where she had written down how many slugs she killed in one night and she would say "mostly large"....