AND TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY---

I am thinking I must be a pretty good writer----after all to elicit such a passionate response----even a negative response--well somebody out there is reading and feels the need to respond.   I don't have it altogether---I use this forum as a channel for personal reflection and probably even therapy.  It is not meant to upset anyone and I hope no one feels the compulsion to read it if it stirs up negative feelings---Negative emotions-anger-bitterness-hate---are such a waste of your valuable energy and quite frankly though you may desire to make me angry---you do not succeed---rather I have great compassion and sorrow for how unhappy you sound.


As to reviewing the comments before they are published---I have that option and have been advised by more than one to do just that.  I've thought about it---here's my conclusion.  We ALL need to think----most of the comments cause me to think---and try to put myself in another's place.  I just watched a slide show from friends that went to Africa on a mission trip.  I was reminded of how blessed I truly am.  I have food on the table--a lovely home--clothes on my back--a trade to ply--many hobbies that I love---and an amazing group of friends and family who love me well.  What more could I possibly ask for and not seem greedy.


So I have turned my prayers into intercessory prayers for those that I love----I do not ask for anything for myself anymore---except for God to reveal "His Perfect Plan" for my life.  I read Psalm 30 this morning during my time alone with the Lord--


There will indeed be "Joy in the Morning".

NO NOT ONE!

I am truly sorry if I came across as "perfect"---there is none---no not one----perfect---except for Jesus.  I don't really understand what buttons I am pushing to draw this fire---but if you knew me---you would know I never intended to push those buttons.

I am FAR from perfect-----so far that I can't even see the "P"---BUT because of God's grace and forgiveness---I am white as driven snow---I am blessed!  I have a LONG life full of mistakes--I am thankful that God knows my every fault---and after confession---forgives my sin.  Without His forgiveness--I would be doomed.

ALL I was trying to say---is that---I truly believe I did everything I could think of---including praying unceasingly to save my marriage.  I TRULY believe God intended "ME" to stay in my marriage and I tried to do just that.  I can ONLY speak for me----I wanted it to work---I worked at making it work---it just didn't work.

SO before you jump down my throat after mis-reading my post---and not knowing the voice I am using---please know---I am not embarrassed ---because I am positive I did all within my power---including pleading with God---it has NOTHING to do with "my perfection".  For without Jesus----there is NO perfection in any of us.  ONLY the Lamb is Worthy and Perfect----I AM "Fallen Man".

EMBARRASSED?

I have a sweet young friend that has commented several times about the embarrassment I must be feeling during the past year.  I was taken back at first when he said that---but decided I would think about it and not respond impulsively.  Here is what I have decided-

Embarrassment comes from shame.  I have no shame and I am not embarrassed.  I am hurt----my heart was broken---but I have never been embarrassed.  I came up with a life lesson while nursing Momma through her final illness.  When I put my head on the pillow every night, I need to know that I have done ALL I needed to do that day.  I needed to put my head down---and even though I might sometimes have a tough time sleeping---I would KNOW I did ALL I could do that day.

For 3 years---I did ALL---and I do mean ALL I could to redeem and save my marriage.  It did not work---BUT I can put my head on the pillow EVERY night KNOWING I did everything I could possibly do.  

SO---I am not embarrassed---never have been---and after more than a year---it is getting easier.

I SURVIVED!

26 + MILES later ---I am still here.  Have a few scrapes---a couple of bruises---but I finished!  The ride along the Natchez Trace was BEAUTIFUL.  The course was tough---the wind returning on the turn around course was tougher---THE COMPANY ---WONDERFUL!

I started thinking on the way home---this was tough-but guess what---I get to RUN this same distance in November----GOOD GRIEF!

IN CASE YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS!

Just in case I have not convinced you yet that I am TOTALLY CRAZY----I am leaving tomorrow afternoon to ride to Natchez.  I have signed up to ride in the Natchez Trace-Belles on the Trace Ride Saturday.  YES INDEED---30---count them thirty miles on the bicycle on the hilly Natchez Trace.


BUT after all---I've ridden a total of 3 times on my bike----with the Longest ride being 23 miles and have not been ON my bike in over 2 weeks




YES I AM CRAZY!

YOU ARE SOOOOO FUNNY, GOD!!!!!!!

OH,  GOD----

I see you answered my prayer---NOT QUITE the answer I expected though.  Let's see it's one chance in ten that you get picked--or something bad like that   AND GUESS WHAT----I'M IT!!!


Now we had 4 in our group to enter the lottery---AND GUESS WHO GETS PULLED---the one in the WORST condition---BY FAR------THE SLOWEST----BY FAR------I COULD go on.


SO---the 18 weeks of training begins the first full week in July----OH GOOD---it should be NICE AND HOT by then!


In the MEANTIME---I need to get up to a 10 mile base---start running 4 days a week and cross training and lifting weights-----AND GET FASTER-----to START the training


AND NO---if you get in----you DO IT!  CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!


SO---God---I guess you thought this was the ONLY WAY to get me motivated to get back into great shape. You know what's best, God---THANK YOU ----in advance----for getting me through the preparation to train and the training itself.  I just LOVE Your sense of humor!

HEY LORD!

Hey Lord!!!  It's ME AGAIN!  I have my rear in another crack---I KNOW you are not surprised---but I AM asking for a little relief here!


I find myself once again to have slipped down the path of "What Could It Hurt" and the slippery slope of "Given Enough Time".  WHAT was I thinking when I entered the lottery for the NYC Marathon?  Well we both know Lord---THINKING is the definitive word---that which I WAS NOT doing!  


God, You above all others,  KNOW what I piece of shimmering---blubber--I currently am---AND You CERTAINLY know---I couldn't run 26.2 miles in a week--currently-much less in one fluid motion.


I have entered the season of regret and self loathing for this impetus and irrational decision and ONCE AGAIN---I am coming to You for rescue.


OH GOD----HIDE MY NAME AMONG THE LEGIONS!  Stick my entry on the bottom of the heap----score my entry--unreadable---JUST DO NOT LET THEM PULL MY NUMBER!


I will NOT- well I shouldn't lie to to You, Lord---I will TRY to restrain my Impulses when I think I am still 40---WELL EVEN 50---Lord.  I will endeavor to remember just how old I am and what sorry shape I am in and just how many years You have promised me---and TRY to keep from getting in this crack again.  For now, Lord, though,   PLEASE DON'T LET THEM PULL MY NUMBER WEDNESDAY!


I love You, Lord and THANK YOU AHEAD OF TIME FOR YOUR CONSTANT PROTECTION FROM MY SELF and the paths of destruction I seem to chose!

# 3 is 3

A flying trip to Fort Worth for a MOST IMPORTANT occasion---#3's 3rd Birthday.  HOW can it have been 3 years ago that he was born?  We had a WONDERFUL weekend with ALL 4 Grands--and parents--with only 1 missing.  We haven't all been together since Christmas---SO I loved EVERY minute!---Well with the exception of the minutes I spend coughing all night---SORRY GABE!!  Seem to ALWAYS come home with some physical malady after visiting the 2 littlest!


You can see their pictures on my facebook page--


#1---SUPER COOL---but still VERY SWEET!!
#2---Working Toward Cool---BUT still a little boy--DO NOT TELL HIM I SAID THAT!
#3---OH MY  3!
#4---SWEET BABY!


The big cousins are VERY sweet with the little cousins---and the little cousins---LOVE their BIG cousins!


WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

GOOD NEWS!

GREAT NEWS----I thought I had lost my boo-dee---it's been missing in action for over a year now.  I have finally found it---IT WAS HIDING BEHIND 40 packs of mini chocolate bars!  ---it DEFINITELY
has shown back up.  ALL it took was eating those 40 packs and I FOUND IT!

ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME

We had a fountain in our home on Old Wire Road. I LOVED the sound of the water ---I could hear it from my bedroom at night and it always greeted me when I went in or out of the door.

I finally have a fountain for my new home. Another Angel is watching over me---BUT my house is so well built---that it is sound proof---I could not hear the water trickling over the ledge as the Angel---stood vigil. I fixed that---opened the windows a bit---Now--she is watching over me---just as My Father is---and I can hear her constant trickle---just as My Father constantly whispers in my ear.

Slowly but surely---I am making a home.

WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL ME BY?

"What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it-the fact that He knows me. I am graven on the palms of His hands. I am never out of His mind. All my knowledge of Him depends on His sustained initiative in knowing me. I know Him because He first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me, and there is no moment when His eye is off me, or His attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore when His care falters. "

J.I. Packer

Someone asked in Small Group last night "What name does God call you by?" I am asking Him----and trying to be still and listen for His answer. My answer is "My Beloved" for certain, but what does He call me when He is speaking directly to me? I take GREAT comfort that He is pursuing me and thinks about me ALL the time. He thinks about each and every one of His Beloved Children each and every moment---WHAT A GREAT GOD WE HAVE!

H0PE

Once again--have been thinking---

part of what is so wonderful about marriage---is the Hope it gives you

The hope that no matter how bad or hard the day has been---someone will walk through the door and you will not be alone.

The hope you experience knowing someone has your back---will rush to your defense---will nurse you back to health---will jump to your defense.

The hope of being appreciated for any kindness---any small deed---any cooked meal---any good word.

The hope that there is someone who will listen attentively and care---about your cares, concerns, difficult times, what is going on in your life.

The hope that no matter how many hours you are apart---they will walk through that door and you will not be alone at the end of the day.

Hope is a wonderful thing----

CAREFUL WHAT YOU CALL THEM!

I just returned from a Vestry meeting with my friends, The Episcopalians! I made the VERY wrong mistake of calling them Episcopals---not sure what is wrong with that---but IT IS WRONG! They were quick to let me know!

I loved working with them and tonight was my last meeting with The Vestry. I will not go back -unless they call me. I have a function---but it is more of a review function and communicating with the accountant and chair-person of the Vestry.

One of the VERY best things about my work---is making ALL SORTS of new friends! The Episcopalians were warm---and MOST IMPORTANT--open to listening to suggestion. I will miss them!

I could worship with these Believers---just not sure how they would take my hands raised in worship! I might cause a ripple in the flock---would NEVER want to do that! That's why we have so many different churches---THANKFULLY---God did not create us all the same!

WOUNDS

Have you ever had a wound that just would not get well?

Sandra--Woman Extraordinare----has a raw hole in her knee. It's in a bad place and after the initial injury----the scab keeps getting torn off over and over. The wound just WILL NOT get well--and to add insult to injury---when you sweat--that means Salt gets in the wound---PAINFUL!

Reminds me a lot of my heart.

QUESTION

"No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent."

We should all take this to heart----God NEVER makes us feel inferior SO why would we let ANY mortal make us feel that way about that which God loves beyond our comprehension---

Faithfully---Fully--Forever

HE love us!

Check this out:

http://g-clix.blogspot.com/

NEWSBREAKER---STOCK IN LORA, INC. JUST WENT UP!

Well new job---involves---2 really nice looking & sweet young men. Jocks---at that! SO they asked me to lunch yesterday----I FOOLISHLY did not go----my stock would have taken a major rise--if I had been seen around town with these 2! I think the price may be going up----by just telling you this! Yes---nothing strokes your ego---like being seen with 2 mid-30's good looking men who are squiring you to lunch. What I will not tell --is how sick and tired I am of them Ma'am ing me! GOOD GRIEF!

IT'S NOT THAT EASY!

OK---I'm not going ANYWHERE -YET! Just thought it was interesting that I would even consider the possibility finally. It has been not even a consideration during the past year---but this weekend---I could actually see myself as a Texan. Coming from a LONG line of Texans---I guess my roots are showing---that is NOT my "hair roots" either. At any rate---let me assure you of one thing----unless God prompts me---and He may---for now---I am staying in Ruston.

#4 is 18 months old---and really not talking a lot yet. I think this may be common among younger siblings---what's the hurry? AND if you can get what you want by just throwing yourself down on the floor in a jello like lump and squeal like your world has ended---WHY should you talk. Both #3 & #4 are little boys----but while #3 is PICKIE about what he will eat---#4 has never seen ANY morsal that he wouldn't. While his Mom was out for a run and Gaga and I were in charge, #4 did manage to say "I want more" while mooching off of Gaga's plate. Something tells me--he can probably say just about anything he wants if he accomplished that!

Back to the real world---need a job---may have to resort to something beyond my "educated skill set"---I could be a lion tamer----a dragon slayer----a street sweeper---know of any potential jobs in these areas?

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS!

I had another first this weekend. Went to Texas to spend time with #2 & #3 and her husband, my FAVORITE SIL, and #3 & #4 Greats. We had a "Marvelous Easter"! Egg Hunting---cooking----eating out----seeing the sites---and PLAYING! LOTS of playing and stories!

When I went to the grocery store Early Saturday to make the "Food Haul" for Easter---the people at the Kroger were so nice to me----really nice. I walked out and thought---I should just move to Texas! That's the first time I have thought of moving to be closer to all the chicks in the near future. It's the little things--that send you into the "Thinking Mode". I always thought---my friends-my home--they are all in Ruston---but truth be know---home is a state of mind---and a place becomes home when YOU make it your home. I could move to Texas and make a new home.

Since I am not working right now---I could also probably move to TX and go to work. Texas is booming---seems to be NO recession going on there! My skills go where I go---and my hard work is what I will be known by---whereever I am.

For today---I'm staying here---but the "Door to Thinking" has been opened.

MEMORIES

The Oldie but Goodie song by Barbara Streisand--"Memories" kept running through my mind today. When discussing what I was to prepare for Easter Sunday lunch---Camille rolled through the list items that I had prepared SO many times during her growing up years. It seems that for some---those were the best years. I guess it just depends on the light you choose to remember them in. For me---the years that my children were growing up are filled with warm and happy memories---What a Blessing!

TEXAS OH TEXAS---

I drove to TX today--THANK YOU, LADY BIRD---for the push to plant and allow to seed all the wildflowers-----SO BEAUTIFUL---Blue Bonnets---Indian Paintbrushes---a preverbial river of every color in the rainbow all the way. I have never seen them more beautiful except HIGH in the Cascade mountains---which were only accessible after long hard hikes---so Thank You Texas for the beautiful drive today!

DREAMS

I am thinking about the dream I had last night---LONG and DETAILED---about an Aunt & Uncle's home that I dearly loved during those innocent years of childhood. I OFTEN dream about their home---MUCH more than I dream about the home I grew up in. I have come to the conclusion it is because I SO LOVED that house---which has since burned all the way down-- and considered it magical.

Uncle Bryant was Daddy's only brother and my brother was named after him, Noel Bryant. Daddy and Uncle Bryant were not speaking at the time of Daddy's death. How sad! And over some business deal--truly sad. Uncle Bryant's wife, Aunt Mattie Maude, was QUITE the personality. When I woke up--I began thinking about what a great book her life would be. It, of course, would have to be fiction-based upon fact---because I do not know all the facts--but what a life.

She did not end well---this sets me to thinking about how to end well. When I have taken that last breath, what will people say? I would not want anyone to say, "Poor Thing"---I would not want anyone to remember the last 4 years of my life. I would want them to say---"She lived life to the fullest". SO the question is how do I make that turn---how do I get back on track? Going to think about that one.

Back to the dreams----I do not dream about anything in the last 45 years---most of my dreams are about the first 18 years of my life--SO interesting---perhaps a happier more innocent time? Last night I was helping to pack up my Aunt's house---think that has something to do with closure. The first 10 years of my life were sweet and innocent---truly happy---then Daddy became an alcoholic and the next 4 were bad--really bad. Daddy finally turned the corner and stopped drinking had gone back to work and was doing good---he was diagnosed with Lung Cancer the week after Christmas when I had just turned 14---he died 2 months later. SO--that has shaped who I am and the choices I have made. It is so interesting that I go back and dream of this time in life---but Daddy is never in my dreams---perhaps an abandonment issue.

SO MUCH FOR PSYCHO-BABBLE----I am who I am and It is what it is----just need to finish well--truly want to do that!

REFINER'S FIRE---SINGED AROUND THE EDGES!

Matthew 6:28-30


"And why worry about clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully at they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?"





Job is over--completed today. I am idle---and that is NOT a good thing for Lora. NOW---I have projects that need tending to---but WHY can't I take the above verse to heart and enjoy the idle time and not worry about tomorrow? Work has been my absolute life saver and God has faithfully provided until now.





I understand that He is teaching me and there is a purpose in Everything---but with the future looming and no guarantee of early demise-I will need funds to retire on. The return on your investments are POOR at best today--and though I have had some success in the stock market lately--I have to be careful about what I invest in.





SO---another wave of reprecusions of the last year---worry about financial security has reared its UGLY head. I KNOW He is out there---I KNOW He is listening---I Know I am supposed to be learning all those Spiritual lessons---BUT REALLY, GOD---isn't there anyone else out there that needs refining?

SEND FOR THE MEN IN THE WHITE COATS!

In an effort to prove myself --TRULY INSANE--I had quite the day. The morning started at the late hour of 6--for a 5 mile power walk. I will not tell you the pace---suffise it to say--I can walk almost as fast as I can run.

Came home for my first shower of the day---Did a little work before heading to early church and fun "Wrestling With The Toddlers". We had an overflow crowd of 16---it got slightly crazy by the end of the morning. Dashed out to "Count the Money" after church--LONG story--have not shared with you yet. THEN drove across town and went to worship at the South Campus.

Went to lunch with sweet friends who are good company. THEN I came home and got ready for my bike ride. It was 84 degrees--the sun was blazing---I managed to let ALL the air out of my tires trying to air them up---I AM inept. Finally got to the meeting place and ready to go --WITH clips on my shoes and the pedals. JUST IN CASE you don't understand what I am referring to---Instead of pedals-they have these pedals that you clip your shoes into--you can then not only push down but pull up as you pedal. GREAT IDEA--only problem YOUR FEET ARE LOCKED INTO THE PEDALS====RECIPE FOR DISASTER. There's a way out---but you have to do a heel gyration to get out. Susan told me yesterday as we ran our 5 miles---it's not "IF you fall" but "When you Fall". Anyway somehow I managed to not fall today==saving that for another day.

THEN we rode over 23 miles----STICK A FORK IN ME---I'M DONE!!! It's 7 PM and I HAVE GONE TO BED====after my second shower and a visit with my sweet MIL---if you see the men in the white coats--I'm pretty sure I am certifiable!