IN MY DEFENSE!

If you have not read Camille's post (click on blogging buddies-the Jennings Secede) from yesterday, you need to read it for this to make sense.

I got a really good laugh from Camille's post yesterday. I sat chuckling as I read with Bobby wanting to know what was so funny. After finishing, he had me read it to him. I get dead silence, no reaction. I then ask, " Don't you think that is funny?". I then get this long lecture on saying what you are feeling, never knowing what is going on in my mind, yadda, yadda, yadda. I think she struck a nerve in her Daddy.

While growing up, Momma believed in corporal punishment. I do not believe she was ever much of a student of the Bible, but someone at sometime must have preached this sermon and she latched on like a mad dog. The rod nor the belt nor the switch were ever spared at our house. It was applied liberally and you came to fear Momma and her wrath. When Momma spoke, you dared not sass or disobey. Along about the time that Daddy died, the spankings died with him. I think for a lot of years Momma lost her fight. She just existed and tried to provide for the three of us, but was very removed from most day to day family activity. She still knew how to throw a fit if you did not clean the house just like she liked it (able to eat off the floor), but she finally lost that connection. In fairness to her, the years before Daddy's death had been very difficult. She was far from her family and thrown into a difficult situation without much support.

One thing Momma could do and do well was lecture during those years until I left for Tech. Once you set her off, on and on she went. I remember when I was about 16 or 17 telling her to just beat me and leave off the lecture. Well that was dumb, because it just wound her up for Round 2. I hated those lectures and swore I would never do that.

When my own kids came along, I obviously used the silence tool very effectively. In my defense, I learned a long time ago to not say anything in anger that you might regret later. Once those words are thrown out there, they can never be taken back and they are never forgotten. I would get steamed, but I held my tongue-waiting for the moment of calm and reason to return to me. At the time, I did not realize that my children were affected by that silence. All I knew was that I was angry and knew to wait for the appropriate moment and not let something petty escalate into a major deal.

I also come from a LOOOOOOONG line of passive aggressive people. We are not in your face confrontationist, but more I'll slip this in the back door and get you, before you know what has happened. We fight, at our best, when we just completely withdraw. I don't usually say many things in real anger, but Mr. C, now he can push that button and get a verbal rise like no one else can. I think he relishes in getting my dander up enough to get that response out of me. Still, my usual tactic is silence- silence- and more silence, until the moment or the anger has passed.

This was really never a disciplining tact for me, but rather a try at not allowing angry words to come between me and my loved one. I am glad that God chose to use it as an effective tool and delighted that my children care enough to be concerned about me being displeased with them.

Each child is different and with their different personalities come different responses to my actions and moods. Scott is definitely much more like me and if he was ever affected by my anger, I never knew it. Gabe & Camille-they are very verbose, just like their Daddy. They don't understand or get the "silence" deal. If they are upset, you will know it, for they will tell you. They just do not as their Daddy does not-get me holding my tongue.

I thank God we are all different. This makes the world so interesting and fascinating. If we were all verbose and confrontational, would we ever get to hear the glorious beauty of occasional silence? I think it would be more like a Conville Family Reunion, when I am not sure who is listening because each and every one is trying to talk over the other and getting louder and louder with every word.

Thankfully God used my silence, and my children, all three are wonderful individuals that are loved by all that know them. What one man intends for his purposes, God can turn around and use it to glorify Him and those that love Him.

Your Honor, The Defense Rests.