I have been challenged---chastised---about my "self absorbed"- "self pitying" posts on facebook and this blog as well. At first---I must admit I was angry---thinking--you don't understand. As always--I then take the time to reflect and analyze---that which has been pointed out. Perhaps she is correct.
I do KNOW that I function much better when I do not have my eyes on my navel. I LOVE being of help to others---I Love Loving my family and friends. I totally "get it" when challenged to focus on others--I made the comment in Small Group this week when asked "What would you like said at your funeral" That I hoped I would be remembered as "She loved well." SO I do understand what is most important in life.
My problem that has caused this "self pity"---"self focus" is our marriage ending after 38 years has caused a HUGE hole in my life. I am THROWING myself into life---working long hard hours---taking on several jobs at a time---trying to help my children and grands---hosting and participating with small group--ministering to the toddlers every Sunday. I am BUSY-BUSY- I still volunteer every other Thursday at Cypress Springs--I am running with my pals---trying to keep my ears open to needs and meeting them. As I said--I am busy!
The problem---is I still come home to an empty house--this is not the way I thought my life would end--I am having to totally rethink who I am and where I am---I am having to figure out what is the new normal. It is NOT easy! BUT I am not shirking from the task--I am trying to face it--and DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING.
With ALL that said--I apologize for my bouts of self absorption--and If I seem to be self pitying--I hate that you got that from my posts. I am blessed and I FULLY know that. A lot of what I post is tongue in cheek--but as I was reminded today --the written word is open to interpretation. SO I will be careful about the words I write from now on and appreciate the one who called me on the carpet-you have made me think.