MORE IMPORTANT-PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION!

SO--an important part of my up-bringing was ALL about good manners. Momma would hear of no less--than proper etiquette. So I have been thinking lately-

IF a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hear it--does it make a sound?

IF I somehow--someway let a burp slip while at home alone---IS IT RUDE? After all there was no one there to hear it--No one was offended---No need for an excuse me--SO ?

RULES FOR THE ROAD

Rules for the Road #3-

IT IS NOT SMART-TO WEAVE IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC--sometimes skipping across several lanes just to arrive a few minutes earlier while endangering the lives of all traveling the road while you are.

For some reason--this always seems to be men that are pulling this stunt. What NUT would cut short in front of several lanes of traffic in an effort to just drive like a maniac and arrive at his destination following his re-enactment of the Daytona Speedway. NOW--in fairness-must men do not drive like this--but the few that do--cause havoc on the road and incur my wrath!

RULES FOR THE ROAD

Lora's Rules #2

DO NOT RUN UP BEHIND ME---TAILGATE ME--AND THINK I AM GOING TO SPEED UP

It is EXTREMELY dangerous to run up behind me---right on my tail--and think I am going to go ANY faster---I promise you I am not--in fact if you do not get off my tail--and you don't have any way around me--I WILL slow down!

I am going the speed limit and usually a little over the speed limit--if that's not fast enough for you---TOO BAD!

RULES FOR THE ROAD

A trip to TX has inspired Lora's Driving Rules-

#1 DO NOT SLOW DOWN TO AN ALMOST DEAD STOP WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER!

If you see a motorist that has been pulled over by Mr. Policeman---he has his car pointed toward the highway the lights are flashing---DO NOT SLOW DOWN SO YOU WILL NOT GET A TICKET--since you OBVIOUSLY are speeding---

The policeman has someone pulled over already--he is out of his car--WRITING A TICKET---HE IS BUSY---when you drive by he is NOT going to run jump into his car---spin his tires and go on the chase---just because he spotted your car whizzing by---

IF you were speeding---let's say going 80-- IF they do for some unknown reason--decide you are the one they will chase after--if you slow down to 60--they DO NOT subtract points for being 10 miles UNDER the speed limit. In my opinion--they might should ADD $s to the ticket for becoming an obstruction to traffic!

SO Rule 1---Don't SLOW down--just because someone else is getting a ticket!

BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR POWER

I am in Fort Worth for the weekend with my sweet daughter--wonderful SIL-and 2 youngest grands. They are a delight and blessing in my life. I am glad I have the opportunity to slip away from work occasionally and come west to be with them.

I have been reflecting since they have all gone to bed on the power we have over each other. After 10 months of being alone---I am seeing things slipping back into the pattern of what they were for most before. Relationships are restored-we all just want things to be just like they were. For almost everyone that can happen and life will go on.

Then there are the walking wounded---their life will never be the same and the family they knew will never be the same. You have the power to totally change the life and future of some in your life. BE VERY CAREFUL HOW YOU USE THAT POWER!

I will never feel the same way about myself. I will always wonder what is wrong with me that my family did not stay in tact like almost everyone else around me. I am broken.

I appreciate all that have supported me, prayed for me and encouraged me--and I hate that anyone this side of God has this power to totally change me and my future--but it is what it is. And what it is-for me--will never be the same. PLEASE do not comment---I am just trying to deal with it.

WHAT TO WEAR????

I go through the SAME dilemma every morning before heading out to work. WHAT TO WEAR! I suppose there is some thought that I should dress professionally---you know suited up. I do occasionally like to wear that suit---but I wore suits for YEARS!---ENOUGH ALREADY!

I have been fortunate-so far-with my clients and worked places where no one is dressy dressy---so slacks--even jeans are fine. The problem is what is offered out there in the shops! There seems to be very little on the shelves and rods for a woman -my age-. You know something that is cute-looks good on-and doesn't make one look like a little old lady!

NOW--there are mornings that I dress and look in the mirror and think---

GET OVER IT---YOU ARE NOT A YOUNG WOMAN ANYMORE

AND THEN --THERE ARE THE DAYS THAT I LOOK IN THE MIRROR at the tights- and long form fitting tight---and wonder just WHAT do I do for a profession?

SO how does one dress their age---still look stylish and well dressed and

NOT look like a HOOCHY Momma!

TEST ANXIETY!

I had one of my "Test Anxiety" dreams last night. You know---you found out you are enrolled in a class that you have not attended all quarter and bolt into the final test unprepared. You can't find the building where the test is being held---perhaps you are prepared--but where is the test? You over sleep and run across campus in your PJ's trying to get there on time--Your late--the professor has locked the door.

These dreams are all about control---now I am having trouble sleeping again--only sleeping 4-6 hours per night and THEN the few hours I do sleep I dream -anxious dreams--

I just need to get to that test--prepared---ready to take the test--and IN CONTROL!

PLANNING THE LAST HURRAH!

Friend Barbara told me I had done my children a HUGE favor when I cleaned out my house from the attic to the storage building when I moved. I am down to bare bones now--They will not have a lifetime accumulation to sort through. I did this for my mother and my in-laws--it is a daunting task! I cleaned out Momma's things when she was in her last days. That is not a good time to face that task. I was not thinking straight-and have regretted some of my decisions.

I have decided I need to plan my last big party--the final good bye. The first decision is where do I want to be planted? There is probably room in the plot where my Daddy is--that is in Farmerville where I grew up. I am sure Daddy would like that as would Mama and Papa who are right by his side.

Then there is Momma who is in Texas-near my children and grands who are all in Texas now. There is noone-except Momma and Grandmother and Granddaddy and my oldest brother who died as an infant-who will really care if I am there and it is not exactly right next door to my children. I do not really have any contact with my Texas cousins-sadly, so --

Well after all--it is JUST a shell--it will not be me---I will be gone---Stuff me and Stand me in a corner--WHO CARES!!! I'm JUST SAYING---If you come and they have that casket open---SLAM IT SHUT---I will not look natural---I won't have my mouth flapping---that is natural!

GRACE ANN

On a lighter note---I fell while running last Monday. My hand and knees are still sore---and a LOVELY shade of yellow. Take a walk around the sidewalks in Ruston---REALLY POOR SHAPE! The good thing about the traffic mess downtown is that the sidewalks are being repaired. HOORAY!

I cannot tell you how many times one of the runners have fallen while taversing these dangerous walks. We run in the early AM dark---you can't see even with the streetlights and the walks have multiple levels--breaks---pits---cracks--a recipe for disaster---AND disaster struck!

I thought I had broken my wrist--first --then later--I noticed the huge knot on my shoulder and knees. I must have REALLY hard bones---as evidenced by the really hard head I have.

SO Grace Ann fell---left part of my epidermis on that walk--I may put up a marker---HERE LIES PARTS OF LORA--RIP!

NOT TO WORRY--IT WILL BE A SMACK DOWN!

I have had some comments and concern about my post on the wrestling match that God and I are having at the moment. I am not a robot---there is a thing called free will---(sorry all you Presbyterians out there) and the brain that God gives us all. I am not His puppet--but His child---so as ALL children do--I question His decisions and choices and the places He takes me.

I am SCREAMING at Him that life's not fair---just like I screamed at Momma that she wasn't fair. I am mad at times--in a twit at times---just plain down right pouting at others--BUT GUESS WHAT---I still love Him in fact I adore Him---I want His attention---I desire His eye to be upon me in favor. HE is the most important one in my life---He has stripped all else from me--there is no one left to lean upon but Him. Just because I am questioning His justice and the places He has taken me--doesn't mean I don't love Him---I am being the rebellious child and we are having a throw down--must be stupid because I know where this is going to lead-I will be on my face at the end of the match!

Read Psalms---I am not the first to question and yell and shout and wonder---That's probably WHY He gave us this book--to show us--it's alright-I can take it -I'm not just a Big God--I AM A HUGE GOD! So not to worry--I'll scrape myself off the mat as He gives me a hand up -and keep doing "The Next Right Thing".

TRUE INTIMACY

I have been thinking today about intimacy---and just what it is. I went to the movie and became so aware that today's society would have us all believe that intimacy is all about physical knowledge of another. I don't really think so- though I do think this physical part of intimacy is the icing on the cake--we ALL know that the physical part can be experienced with no real intimacy at all.

Intimacy grows with the years of--sharing--caring--dreaming--living life as one. When one knows you almost as well as you know yourself--when you have suffered loss together-worried together-worked together-spent hours upon hours upon hours in conversation--listening--talking--sharing--laughing--crying. When the other is more important than you are to yourself--you are then beginning to understand intimacy.

You have experienced the joy of birth--the pain of death--the concern of illness and injury--
You have seen and heard it all--and come to accept the other for who they are--warts and all. You have prayed together, worshipped together, cried out to God together.

You have watched the ravages of time and still consider the other the most beautiful-handsome and have left the thrill of infatuation behind for the joy of the familiar. You don't have to be anyone but yourself --and yourself is always good enough.

Intimacy is a wonderful gift--a blessing---that can only be truly shared with one...only one at a time-

And then the time comes --that there is only God to be intimate with--

WRESTLING MATCH

I am in a wrestling match with an opponent I can't possibly defeat---God...but like Jacob---I am NOT currently happy with The Most High---in fact I think you can say I am DOWN RIGHT ANGRY! I will not go into why I am wrestling--suffice it to say---I am questioning His being just----

The part of the prayer that Jesus taught us---the perfect prayer--The Lord's Prayer--the part about "Thy Will"---that's a bitter pill to swallow at times---What about what I want?

I will say God has faithfully provided work--another new job starts Monday--BUT what about the ministry time that I loved---there is almost no time for that anymore.

My life is a shipwreck---I dragged myself onto the shore & I have cried out to God & we are wrestling---wrestling--hopefully I will not limp away from the match-- My friend Barbara told me He had a big chest to pummel away---that's exactly what I am doing--not sleeping much---working & wrestling--that's about it.

LAME EXCUSES

I have been challenged---chastised---about my "self absorbed"- "self pitying" posts on facebook and this blog as well. At first---I must admit I was angry---thinking--you don't understand. As always--I then take the time to reflect and analyze---that which has been pointed out. Perhaps she is correct.

I do KNOW that I function much better when I do not have my eyes on my navel. I LOVE being of help to others---I Love Loving my family and friends. I totally "get it" when challenged to focus on others--I made the comment in Small Group this week when asked "What would you like said at your funeral" That I hoped I would be remembered as "She loved well." SO I do understand what is most important in life.

My problem that has caused this "self pity"---"self focus" is our marriage ending after 38 years has caused a HUGE hole in my life. I am THROWING myself into life---working long hard hours---taking on several jobs at a time---trying to help my children and grands---hosting and participating with small group--ministering to the toddlers every Sunday. I am BUSY-BUSY- I still volunteer every other Thursday at Cypress Springs--I am running with my pals---trying to keep my ears open to needs and meeting them. As I said--I am busy!

The problem---is I still come home to an empty house--this is not the way I thought my life would end--I am having to totally rethink who I am and where I am---I am having to figure out what is the new normal. It is NOT easy! BUT I am not shirking from the task--I am trying to face it--and DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING.

With ALL that said--I apologize for my bouts of self absorption--and If I seem to be self pitying--I hate that you got that from my posts. I am blessed and I FULLY know that. A lot of what I post is tongue in cheek--but as I was reminded today --the written word is open to interpretation. SO I will be careful about the words I write from now on and appreciate the one who called me on the carpet-you have made me think.

I CAN'T KEEP THIS UP!

I have a problem----a sagging-----can't keep it up problem.

The latest fashion is wearing tights with all of your tops---and I love tights---keep the legs warm---keep me from having to shave--etc. My problem is they ALL will NOT stay up---I spend the day--pulling them up. It can be mortifying to wonder if you walk across the room if your tights are going to stay put--of if with every step you take---it is going to appear that you have loose skin drooping around your knees---

I KNOW the problem--I just figured it all out---I am 66 inches tall---from my waist to the floor there is 44 inches----I'm ALL leg---I MEASURED --I'm really sure about his.

SO if you have a pair of suspenders--could I borrow them PLEASE!

DIGNITY!

This is sad---but true---

There is dignity in one leaving you in death--

There is NO dignity in being left--abandoned

It's the world's judgement--not mine. In the eyes of the Bible I am a widow---but the world does not recognize that truth.

I leave you with this---what are your thoughts about friends that lost husband's by death? and what are your thoughts about your friends that lost husbands by divorce?

IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT!

Today while reading and studying the Second Law of Thermodynamics---the truth hit me boldly in the head---but first let me give you the theory-

However, this basic law of science (2nd Law of Thermodynamics) reveals the exact opposite. In the long run, complex, ordered arrangements actually tend to become simpler and more disorderly with time. There is an irreversible downward trend ultimately at work throughout the universe. Evolution, with its ever increasing order and complexity, appears impossible in the natural world.

More simply put---I prefer to call it the theory of implosion-----all things return to their original state.

I went to see my newest great nephew yesterday---he is 5 days old----he is a little soft--supple---mush bag----You could just eat him up---but he has no muscle tone----he's just kind of there---you even have to support his head. This is where we ALL start.

The 2nd Law---states left alone--we will all return to that which we came from or the point where we started. We will collapse in on ourselves--or implode.

At this current moment that is EXACTLY what my body is doing---returning to the state from which it started. It is REALLY sweet and cute when you weight 8 pounds-and are a few days old---BUT NOT such a pretty sight at my age.

HELP I'M IMPLODING-----SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT THERE!!!!!

EXPLANATION NEEDED--

Today has been a hard day--as weekends are often difficult. I have tried to stay busy---projects-visiting---but there are still empty moments to think

When I get to heaven I would like for God to explain to me why he created us (women-anyway) with the need for a man in our lives. I actually like myself and don't mind my own company--but there are times---that I am very lonesome---incomplete---alone. When I see a couple my age shopping together, driving down the road together, entering the room together, having a meal together--sitting in church together--I always think---I should be there.

Why would God create us like that knowing that most of us women will eventually be alone? Why would he let those that He loves so dearly--suffer this emptiness? I KNOW---I have been told--I believe----HE should be enough----but to date--I have not felt him warm my feet at night.

Am I EVER going to adjust to being alone? I've been alone for almost 10 months---but unless I am working and busy--I have this feeling of something is really missing in my life.

On my list to ask God why---when we meet face to face.

BRAIN REMOVAL CONTEMPLATION

I have finally figured out the part of me that is most desirous---in fact--perhaps the only part of me that anyone really desires--My Brain!

I have -by God's Grace--more offers for work than I can accept. It seems all these years of crunching numbers--helping others with their businesses---and trying to maintain a good professional reputation have paid off. I am BUSY---really busy---I want to try and help them all--there just are not enough hours in the day.

So perhaps all of the rest of me is no longer a "hot item" on the market---BUT I am comforted by the fact that there are some that recognize my brain still functions rather well.

SO perhaps I should have my brain removed---it can then become "The Server" for my business universe. Clients can send me information "On The Cloud" and I can help them all--a GIANT BRAIN COMPUTER--the best part of me-I can then spread it around--

I just need to find a doctor to do the deed for me---something tells me that the #1 SIL will be no help! He prefers my hands---and their diaper changing abilities!

OUT OF THE CLOSET!

Well I am going to finally come clean---come out of the closet---reveal the bare facts---tell all--

I'M A ROMANTIC AT HEART!

What a shame!

IF I WERE A MAN-

I don't really like to beg or plead---but there comes a time-when it is necessary. There are some things--I just cannot do--like get the silly DVD player to work! Friend David came over tonight and got the thing working just in time for the new Bible study for our small group tomorrow night. NOT THAT I WOULD EVER WAIT UNTIL THE LAST SECOND! His Mom-Helen-volunteered him and he was most willing-even went to Wally World and bought the necessary wire. THANK YOU, DAVID!

Then yesterday---John and son came to my rescue. I actually got my Cmas tree down and drug the parts out and stored them in the box in the garage-BUT it weighs a LOT---so when they delivered a desk I bought from the sweet Ward family--they put the tree in the storage house for me yesterday. THANK YOU JOHN!

Jim and Debbie went and picked the tree up for me--since it would not fit into my car when I bought it and Jim unloaded it---as I said IT IS quite heavy. THANK YOU Jim & Debbie!

I could go on and on. I have 2 heavy mirrors and a large framed picture that need to be hung. I have a large rug that needs to be put down--but furniture will have to be moved. I am waiting to beg a favor for those jobs.

IF I WERE A MAN----I see a huge possibility for a new business--

RENT A HUBBY!

I'm not the only woman out there that needs help---someone could have a very good business doing these kind of things. I would be happy to pay someone---if I could just find a handyman to hire. SO since there is not any such business locally---I have to beg a favor--or just look at things undone.

REALLY--you could make a good living doing this---

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PATH!

I went for a run at the park this morning. I came up with a few rules that I need to follow when on the path:

There is a map of the path---study it--memorize it--know what it says---it will help your run along the path be much easier. Follow the map---don't get lost---it pays to know and follow the path or you could be in big trouble.

Keep your eyes on the path---there are many distractions along the way--some good and some bad---but keep your eyes on the path.

Watch for the roots, snags, potholes, ruts, and other obstacles that appear out of no where with no warning--they are dangerous and can cause you injury--perhaps even serious injury--beware - keep your eyes on the path.

The path is filled with little up and downs--huge hills--even steep climbs and sometime the downward path can be even more treacherous than the climb up---It is HARD---but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

There are hairpin curves that make you believe you are running in circles--sometimes you think you have already run this path---don't let that trick you into not paying attention---keep your eyes on the path.

Watch for those on the trail with you--those near and those not so near---watch for them---listen to them--you are together for a purpose --you are charged with watching for one another.

The finish line is there-but don't worry about the finish line until it is clearly in sight---run the trail in front of you--do your very best-know who you are running with---and

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PATH!

DAY ONE!

GREAT WAY TO START A NEW YEAR:

Hands held upward---worshipping my God

Hands in dirt---planting new growth

Hands in pot- chopping and stirring black eyed pea soup

Hands on keys--putting my thoughts on paper

Hands around others--Loving and being loved

GREAT WAY TO START A NEW YEAR