Thursday, September 29, 2011


There is this awesome-strong-mighty-all powerful SUPER HERO in my life-----He swooped down today and saved me---the damsel in distress -- from the sheer terror of an idle mind---time to fret---and the reality of Alone. It was WONDERFUL---breath-taking---quite unexpected---and yet at the same time---never really a surprise. The fact that He is watching me and knows just the exact moment when I need rescuing is beyond my tiny mind's ability to comprehend.

My consulting job is coming to an end tomorrow----that reality hit me yesterday---even when I knew it was coming. I prayed---I fretted- I ONCE AGAIN did not trust----and what to NO ONE'S surprise happens---He sends one of His own to tell me that they need me ---I don't have to even get this next consulting job. It's just the fact that He once again swooped in and gave me hope--that was all I needed.

AND THEN the mean -evil-ugly-hateful--monster once again attacked. NEVER wanting me to relish the joy of the mercy and grace of His constant provision. He uses the tiny elf that he has blinded and turned into an imp to steal and destroy the joy that He gave me. He throws another dart through those that he has deluded and fooled. It hits me RIGHT BETWEEN THE BREAST BONE and puts another hole in my heart.

GET BEHIND ME---mean ugly hateful monster----MY SUPER HERO will win this battle and provide all that I need and be all that I need. I am HIS damsel and not in distress-but filled with hope and love and the mercy and grace that ONLY He can give. SO GET BEHIND ME VILLAIN! I have spoken it out loud!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Camille sent me a message that God wanted me to write down all that I was thankful for----that would take weeks---but here is a small sample-

3 wonderful, sweet, tender-hearted children that were the best gifts from God that I ever received

2 wonderful, sweet, tender-hearted children by marriage that were God's gifts to our family and the perfect spouses for my children

4 perfect-sweet-smart-good-looking and WELL above average grandsons-that always make me smile when I think of them

An extended family and family by marriage that have blessed me and loved me--warts and all!

More friends than I can list-that have prayed for me-loved me well-sat with me-cooked for me-worked with me-listened to me and stood by me---through thick and thin.

A beautiful home, food on my table, a car to drive and all the material possessions that I could possibly ever want or need.

The beauty of the sunrise and the sunset--

The fragrance and joy of a world filled with flora and fauna--that takes my breath away

The lick of a puppy and purr of a cat---the joy of seeing the deer on the side of the road in the early morning--the startle of the fox --and the wary glance of the raccoon--to name just a few

Grass under my bare feet

Digging in the dirt/painting a room/cooking a meal

Work that I love and that stimulates my brain

Creative ideas and the fun of seeing them come to life

A long hot shower after a long sweaty run

The memories of sweet parents, grandparents, friends and loved ones that have gone on before

The hug of a friend--the warmth of that embrace

A good book to read

Trips gone by and trips to come

A Book to live by

The hope of an eternal future

A Spirit to lead me and comfort me

A God that is beyond any man's comprehension to know or explain


I have listed a few and spoken them out loud--

Good suggestion, Camille----I will spend the next few days---looking at all things different and thanking God for His goodness and perfection

Life is good---even in the desert

AND I will glorify His Name!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


REALLY I never cease to be amazed!

Yesterday---a young friend of mine---you know the type---under 30---never been married---never had children---you know STILL FIRM---told me that she could make her belly (the pooch about the size of a deflated balloon) become a babies rear. Always intrigued---I BIT---SHOW ME! She proceeds to pull up her blouse and put her hands on each side of her VERY FLAT belly with a cute little navel ring (A DIAMOND!) and push the SKIN--THERE IS NO FAT--together---You end up with a little line and skin pushed together on each side-that I admit did look like a baby's rear. The other consultant that I am consulting with asked was this one of her party tricks. After I pulled myself off the floor from laughing-I told her that I would be REALLY impressed if she could do that with no hands.

NOT TO BE OUTDONE---but CERTAINLY not in company of anyone else---I tried the same trick this very morning after my shower. Now remember-I think Firm is the name of a Grisham book--- The kindest thing I can say is it looked more like a dehydrated mush melon!

I do have a party trick of my own---NOT for the faint of heart! Take a mirror and put it on the floor (NO we are not going to "Fried Green Tomato" land!) Lean over the said mirror and look straight down---once you are a certain age-it appears that your face has fallen off! FUNNY TO OTHERS BUT NOT TO THE ONE LEANING!

Monday, September 26, 2011


NOW when you need to get out of a funk---there is NOTHING like a little friendly competition to do the trick! ESPECIALLY when the competition doesn't even realize you have them in your scope. I took a walk around my new neighborhood last night---and I picked out the prettiest-best kept and well tended yard in the neighborhood. THEY are my target. I went by Lowe's this afternoon on the way home from work--and the games have begun!

There's just nothing like putting your hands in the dirt--to give you that good feeling of all is well in God's creation. A few well placed pumpkins and flowers---and I have the incentive to do LOTS more. They'll never know what hit them and I will love every minute of having my hands in the wonderful soil. The dirt will be just begging for mercy and thinking it will collapse if I put one more plant in it!


Sunday, September 25, 2011


Do you ever spend time questioning yourself? With my time in the cave, I have spent many hours asking questions about myself and trying to figure it all out. There are NO answers---as I have come to find---for we really will never know what others are thinking about us.

What's wrong with me? Am I not smart-pretty-tall-short-vivacious-charming-learned-on/on/and on enough? Where do I fall short? There is NO good answer to all of these questions.

What I have to remember is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made---God is the perfect architect. If He is happy with whom I am---then what else should matter.

If I could only get to that point---of knowing and believing that HE is all that matters!

Thursday, September 22, 2011


I so appreciate all that have expressed concern---but DO NOT worry---be happy that I know from whence my help comes! My friend Barbara sent me the dictionary meanings of retreat---look it up---think about where I am and know that I need to retreat for a short while.

To prove that I am truly OK---here is one of my latest thoughts---

Is anyone else feeling strangled now that Fall is officially here? I have worn my beloved white sandals twice since Labor Day & Momma is spinning in her grave. SO out of guilt about doing "What is right among the fashion rules", I have worn closed toed shoes for several days in a row. Is it just me are do your feet feel like they are strangling after being set free all spring and summer in sandals and flip flops and then being completely wrapped and covered by closed toe shoes. They are screaming for AIR! Maybe it's just my feet?

Off to work---I have not been able to completely retreat---but work is almost a respite since I can only think of the number puzzle in front of me while there.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


If you remember the story of David from the scriptures, you know that he hid in a cave for a while. I have found myself totally and completely exhausted--from the top of my head to the end of my toes---physically-mentally-emotionally. I am talked out---have nothing left to give and in serious need of a word from God. Our small group is studying a book on "Hearing God" and while reading over part of it yesterday I decided it is time to retreat from the world-as much as possible--be still-be alone-and listen.

I am in a not good place emotionally--even with the happy pills--so it is time to deal with the grief-quite running in circles--and face this time. The cave is dark and cold and you are isolated from the world if you go deep enough into it-but there is an opening and the light is waiting for you to re-emerge and I will see the light again.

For now---I need this time in the cave.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I've been pondering that age old question---just what is the best way to remove that bandaid?

I know this is at the top of your list of worldly questions that need to be solved---but in my tiny-bizarre world--I've spent a great deal of time lately thinking about it.

There is the group that say --get it over with---pry up one end and give it a quick hard snatch. Remove it fast-and don't look back or think about the pain that will cause. Does it hurt more this way? Do you pull out more hair---perhaps remove the top layer of skin-take the scab off the wound-does it take even more time to heal the wound?

The other group say---slow and easy---a S L O W--removal trying to make the pain less by going slow. Does this just prolong the pain---are you still pulling all the same hair out and the same amount of skin---and even the same scab--only you are just dragging out the same amount of suffering. Perhaps it hurts less by going slow? The band aid has grown to your body----you feel like it is protecting your wound and the pain of it being exposed---but IS IT?

The same wound is under both band aids---it's still got to heal---you still have to expose it to the air for it to finish healing? What's the solution---a quick jerk with maybe only a few minutes of pain or the slow removal inch by inch hoping the pain will be less by the slow exposure of the wound?

How do you remove your bandaid?

Sunday, September 18, 2011


I think my emotionally and physically packed life finally caught up with me this weekend. I knew I did not feel well when I left work Friday afternoon--but thought HEY--I need a nap. I ran by and had a short visit with Nannie and then headed to my bed----here's how the reminder of the weekend went------

Friday 4:30--6:00 nap
supper & 1 hour of TV
Friday 7:30-7:00 AM Saturday Sleeping
Saturday-7:30 AM-10:00 Mowing & Yard work----(did you know that some mowers are truly SELF propelled---as you do it yourself?)
Saturday 10:00 AM-Noonish---Nap
Saturday Noonish-1:00---Call from attorney- upsetting-painting rocker
Saturday 1:00-4:00 Nap
Saturday 4:00-7:00 much need shower & supper
Saturday 7:00-Sunday 8:00 Sleeping
Sunday 8:00AM-12:15---shower/church/nursery duty at church
Sunday 12:30-5:00 Nap
Sunday 5:00--now supper catching up

Perhaps I have the sleeping sickness-----Where is Prince Charming to give me a wake up kiss???


Wednesday, September 14, 2011


God continues to amaze me by providing oasis after oasis in this desert time of life. I have a bad couple of days---a difficult period----and again He reminds me of His faithfulness and provision. I will not give you the details---only that tonight my sweet small group surprised me with a "House Warming" party. When the bottom seems near and I am pleading for direction and help---He has faithfully been my provision. WHAT A GOD!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Good (?) friend, Sonja pointed out to me AFTER I had bought my new house, that the ALL glass shower was right in front of a wall full of mirrors. GEE---THANKS, SONJA! I am really not very observant about things such as this and may have never noticed---EXCEPT--she felt the compulsion to point this out to me!!!

I have tried various tacts to avoid the OBVIOUS---since NOW I know the sight that is to behold. It really does not work very well to shower in the dark--especially with a razor in my hand. Not looking is like telling a 5 year old to not peep at the surprise in the back yard---except the surprise is in a slightly worn and wrinkled package now.

I think I may have come up with the solution---turn the hot water on---allow the shower to steam up---jump in with your back to the mirror---enjoy your steam filled shower---towel off and wrap towel around slightly damaged package BEFORE wiping the steam off the glass. It's working QUITE well ---THANK YOU!

I have also drawn the line at doing some new work out video that Sonja has--something called "Suicide" or something like that--in Jennifer's music room which is filled with mirrors. She would figure out for sure just how much I cheat--if our image is being reflected back at us like a horror movie from late night TV. WHO IN THE WORLD fills a room with mirrors!!!!

Saturday, September 10, 2011


I have often heard that the antidote for a poison could be as treacherous as the poison itself, but I believe I am now truly experiencing this very phenomena!

After an emotionally and physically exhausting week-beginning last Friday with a drive to Fort Worth and back, I have spent the week in a whirlwind. I LOVED having my children and grands with me, but it also reminds me of how truly alone I am when the house is empty again. My solution to aloneness and loneliness has taken the turn toward busyness. I must admit-I might be a slightly driven person to begin with, but that drive goes into overdrive when I am alone.

I find myself volunteering for any and all projects that may come across my path. Want your kitchen painted--I'm your woman--need a babysitter-just give me a call--want a meal cooked for 20--sure-I have nothing else to do. Just a small example of the things I end up doing.

The kids left Thursday AM and went into pick it all up mode before leaving for work. I left work and ran by the grocery store I cooked chili for the work crew of 20 Thursday night and early Friday AM and put together all the fixings to boot. I volunteered to help a co-worker who is great with child at 4 PM yesterday with an accounting problem and ended up working until 6. I flew home and unloaded all the dirty dishes, changed clothes and took off to Arcadia to help paint my sweet niece's kitchen. At after 10:30, I all of a sudden felt a drop in energy and loaded myself in my car for the drive back home. Upon walking into my quiet home, I noticed the counter full of dirty chili dishes---SOOOOO------

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME??????--I can't seem to sit still and even read a book anymore----more later--I need to go clean house and paint picture frames and hang pictures and weed the flower bed-----

Friday, September 9, 2011


I had a little conversation with one of my main squeezes the other night--you know a little pillow talk. It went like this---

LL---Henry, it's time to go night night.
H--(side note-picture both arms at right angles from the body with palm up and a questioning look on the face and tone in the voice each time) BUT WHY?
LL--It's dark outside and time to sleep.
LL--It's night time and it gets dark at night time.
LL--God wants us to rest our bodies, so when he makes it dark it is time to sleep.
LL--We want to be rested tomorrow so we can play and have a good time.
LL--Our bodies need sleep just like they need food so we can run and jump and play outside.
LL-Henry, it's time to go to sleep--close your eyes!
LL--Henry, I know you want to stay up and talk-but close your eyes and your mouth and lay down!
LL--DO NOT ask why again--GO TO SLEEP!

We had this conversation EVERY night. What is really bad is when I start laughing--which means we have to start it all over again. THE LITTLE STINKER! He is playing me like a cheap fiddle!

I am sitting here thinking this morning how many times lately I have looked at God with the same expression and asked BUT WHY??? I forget that just like Henry's earthly parents know what is best for him---so my Heavenly Father also knows what is best for me---even when I would prefer something else----He knows what I need and sees what is coming---I need to just rest in Him.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


I had forgotten how wonderful it was to sleep with a good looking man by my side after almost six months of sleeping alone. The past five nights have been such a sweet time of sharing a bed again. Cuddling, pillow talk, and just the warmth of a body next to mine have been pure joy.

From the last moment before you fade away to the second your mind becomes conscious of an awakening world, there was someone next to me. The middle of the night rousing were spent covering and touching and comforting and being comforted by that slow rhythm of anther's nighttime breathing.

To have someone say, "I love you" as the day fades to night and awaken you with "Hi, Lulu"--it has all been sheer bliss. I will miss my sweet Henry when he heads back to Fort Worth today. He has been a wonderful bed partner.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I have begun to believe that I may have a bulls eye painted on my head! Seriously----think about what all has gone on in my life during the past few months!!!! If we grow from adversity, I believe I am 6'6" and weigh 350!

It is all SO surreal that I don't think I can even get it down on paper! It would certainly be a best selling book---but WHO would believe it----I call it "Bizarre World"!

You ask what is the latest---well let me tell you----Minutes before Pappaw Conville passed away ----Gabe found out that son Scott's home was in the path of the wildfires in Austin. They live in the lakeside community just below Steiner Ranch. There is one way in and out of Steiner Ranch and to their house and there are thousands of people and homes back in this area. The entire area was evacuated due to the danger Sunday night.

As we pulled away from the Nursing Home that night---I looked up and said "SERIOUSLY, GOD? SERIOUSLY!" I could not believe this was happening! If this is the refiners fire, I could stand a cool off!

They were allowed home today after 2 full days in a 1 queen bed hotel room---3 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs & 1 cat. NOW THAT sounds like FUN!!!!

I don't DARE ask what's next---it's like drawing attention to me being down here. JUST IN CASE you are wondering God----I could stand a break. If we are put through trials because of His desire for us to grow in Him---I am blessed------But GOD---there are others who need blessing too!

Sunday, September 4, 2011


I am so exhausted---I am in a heap---but I have to tell this story. ALL TRUE--the entire tale will take at least a couple of chapters in the book I will never get written, but here it is:

My father in law and the grandfather and great grandfather of my children and greats left us today. It has been a very brief-but powerful ending after 90 years to one who definitely fought the good fight. I will be honest with you, Pappaw was never my favorite---but Nannie was instead--BUT I never questioned his faith or where he stood--he quite frequently let me know in no uncertain terms.

Pappaw has been progressively declining for about 2 years, and I have spent MANY an hour with him during his decline. I have heard his stories SO MANY times that I can repeat them verbatim myself. He was quite the man---but above all he was a man of God and NOONE ever questioned that about him. God is smiling at him at this very moment because there was never a question and he boldly proclaimed where he stood with the gospel story.

I can best explain the depth of my respect for he and Nannie by telling you this. I left Friday AM after determining that he was no worse and headed for Fort Worth to be with the kids and grands. I did not plan to leave if the prognosis was bad, but all seemed stable. After driving for 4 hours, I got a text from my SIL that they did not expect him to live more than 24 more hours. I drove on to Fort Worth while trying to decide what to do. I went in Camille's house and ate a PB sandwich and drank some water. I then told her I had to go back after a 20 minute visit and started the 4 1/2 hour drive back. By the time I arrived home--I could have given the traffic report for I-20 east bound or west. I KNEW I had to be with them.

The next 2 days are a blur of singing hymns, reading scripture, telling Pappaw stories and generally just being by the side of two very influential and loved people in my life. It was a sweet time that I am SO glad I was able to participate in.

Today came the final chapter. Pappaw's breathing became more laborious and it was evident the time was drawing near. It was quiet and peaceful, but you never know the exact moment on these occasions. When it was evident that we were near the end, I came home to stay with Camille's children so she could tell her grandfather goodbye. Gabe was in attendance and not leaving the room.

After Camille came home and I sped back to be with them all, Pappaw spotted Jesus and left us all before I could get back. His wife of 69 years, his two daughters and grandson,my son were in the room with him. He had spent the past 2 days starring into space with no evidence of any recognition and laboriously working to breathe. They reported that all of a sudden his eyes once again opened wide and he had a smile on his face from ear to ear and then he was gone.

HE HAD SEEN JESUS AND WENT TO BE WITH HIM! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! "Well done, good and faithful servant!" I'll miss you, Pappaw!

Friday, September 2, 2011


I had a message from one of my young friends today that I was a real BAD A__! She said, "I would have been in a puddle after all that has happened and Lora has sold a house, bought a house and gone to work. I would LOVE to take the credit--BUT the credit all goes to God. There have been plenty of times that I would have LOVED to have crawled in the bed, put the covers over my head, and slept for a 1000 years-- God had other plans for me. He has continually opened doors and been my total provision!

With that said, I do want you to know that I have carefully examined my rear---and REALLY I don't see ANYTHING that is bad about it! Looks pretty normal to me! I did get puffed up for 15 seconds and seriously consider getting some pants with those very words written across them. The only thing about that at my age is that there is a REAL possibility that the letters might slant down on one side. What would that say about me? There is also a possibility that the letters might run all together after ---well you do understand what might draw the letters together. NOT ATTRACTIVE! THEN there is the possibility that the letters might be REALLY SPREAD OUT!------MY MY MY!

Well with all that said--instead of Steel Magnolia--I guess you can call me "Brass Boo Day"!

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Today has been an incredibly difficult day. I turned over the keys of the home I have lived in for 27 years this Labor Day. The only saving grace was the sweet family that will be moving in with 3 active boys and knowing how much those boys are going to love the Vienna abode and all the critters. Being told news that I knew was coming--but somehow still dreaded capped the day off. It was a relief to go to work---and another day I will post about just what I am doing--I KNOW you all are sitting with bated breath waiting--but really it's MOST interesting.

So instead of dwelling on my sadness and heartbreak---I instead will give you the other side of my under girding story. If you remember I recently posted about getting to the bottom of the basket of underwear and having to resort to spandex -----and it strangling me to death by the end of the day. Today---I have a quite different tale---NOW this is about underwear SO MEN--do any men read this ---well anyway---MEN don't be offended--you might have the same problem.

ANYWAY!----today I pulled out a pair of panties based upon the color they were (NO I do not wear all white panties!) If you know me---you know I have lost quite a bit of weight--if you don't let's just say I am down 3 sizes. SO I put on this lovely pair of panties--that fit sometime in the past. NOW in case you are not aware--elastic loses it's elasticity with time---anyway---the elastic is also NOT what it used to be. SO--I spend the day trying to delicately pull up my panties--without anyone really knowing what I am doing. This involves things like turning sideways and quickly jerking one side up--but then I'm uptight on one side and hanging low on the other. Then I tried the back into the file cabinet and rise up on your toes--that did NOT work. Finally I just went around the corner gave it a good jerk and kept on trucking. I was SO relieved to get home and the end of the day with no evidence ever being around my ankles! NOW THAT would have been a post.

I really decided on my way home that I didn't feel so bad after I saw this "Dude" on the side of the road with his shorts just above the things he really needs to cover and he has one hand holding them on while talking on his cell with the other as the traffic whizzes by. ONE BIG TRUCK and he would have been exposed to the world--literally!