AND TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY---

I am thinking I must be a pretty good writer----after all to elicit such a passionate response----even a negative response--well somebody out there is reading and feels the need to respond.   I don't have it altogether---I use this forum as a channel for personal reflection and probably even therapy.  It is not meant to upset anyone and I hope no one feels the compulsion to read it if it stirs up negative feelings---Negative emotions-anger-bitterness-hate---are such a waste of your valuable energy and quite frankly though you may desire to make me angry---you do not succeed---rather I have great compassion and sorrow for how unhappy you sound.


As to reviewing the comments before they are published---I have that option and have been advised by more than one to do just that.  I've thought about it---here's my conclusion.  We ALL need to think----most of the comments cause me to think---and try to put myself in another's place.  I just watched a slide show from friends that went to Africa on a mission trip.  I was reminded of how blessed I truly am.  I have food on the table--a lovely home--clothes on my back--a trade to ply--many hobbies that I love---and an amazing group of friends and family who love me well.  What more could I possibly ask for and not seem greedy.


So I have turned my prayers into intercessory prayers for those that I love----I do not ask for anything for myself anymore---except for God to reveal "His Perfect Plan" for my life.  I read Psalm 30 this morning during my time alone with the Lord--


There will indeed be "Joy in the Morning".

NO NOT ONE!

I am truly sorry if I came across as "perfect"---there is none---no not one----perfect---except for Jesus.  I don't really understand what buttons I am pushing to draw this fire---but if you knew me---you would know I never intended to push those buttons.

I am FAR from perfect-----so far that I can't even see the "P"---BUT because of God's grace and forgiveness---I am white as driven snow---I am blessed!  I have a LONG life full of mistakes--I am thankful that God knows my every fault---and after confession---forgives my sin.  Without His forgiveness--I would be doomed.

ALL I was trying to say---is that---I truly believe I did everything I could think of---including praying unceasingly to save my marriage.  I TRULY believe God intended "ME" to stay in my marriage and I tried to do just that.  I can ONLY speak for me----I wanted it to work---I worked at making it work---it just didn't work.

SO before you jump down my throat after mis-reading my post---and not knowing the voice I am using---please know---I am not embarrassed ---because I am positive I did all within my power---including pleading with God---it has NOTHING to do with "my perfection".  For without Jesus----there is NO perfection in any of us.  ONLY the Lamb is Worthy and Perfect----I AM "Fallen Man".

EMBARRASSED?

I have a sweet young friend that has commented several times about the embarrassment I must be feeling during the past year.  I was taken back at first when he said that---but decided I would think about it and not respond impulsively.  Here is what I have decided-

Embarrassment comes from shame.  I have no shame and I am not embarrassed.  I am hurt----my heart was broken---but I have never been embarrassed.  I came up with a life lesson while nursing Momma through her final illness.  When I put my head on the pillow every night, I need to know that I have done ALL I needed to do that day.  I needed to put my head down---and even though I might sometimes have a tough time sleeping---I would KNOW I did ALL I could do that day.

For 3 years---I did ALL---and I do mean ALL I could to redeem and save my marriage.  It did not work---BUT I can put my head on the pillow EVERY night KNOWING I did everything I could possibly do.  

SO---I am not embarrassed---never have been---and after more than a year---it is getting easier.

I SURVIVED!

26 + MILES later ---I am still here.  Have a few scrapes---a couple of bruises---but I finished!  The ride along the Natchez Trace was BEAUTIFUL.  The course was tough---the wind returning on the turn around course was tougher---THE COMPANY ---WONDERFUL!

I started thinking on the way home---this was tough-but guess what---I get to RUN this same distance in November----GOOD GRIEF!

IN CASE YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS!

Just in case I have not convinced you yet that I am TOTALLY CRAZY----I am leaving tomorrow afternoon to ride to Natchez.  I have signed up to ride in the Natchez Trace-Belles on the Trace Ride Saturday.  YES INDEED---30---count them thirty miles on the bicycle on the hilly Natchez Trace.


BUT after all---I've ridden a total of 3 times on my bike----with the Longest ride being 23 miles and have not been ON my bike in over 2 weeks




YES I AM CRAZY!

YOU ARE SOOOOO FUNNY, GOD!!!!!!!

OH,  GOD----

I see you answered my prayer---NOT QUITE the answer I expected though.  Let's see it's one chance in ten that you get picked--or something bad like that   AND GUESS WHAT----I'M IT!!!


Now we had 4 in our group to enter the lottery---AND GUESS WHO GETS PULLED---the one in the WORST condition---BY FAR------THE SLOWEST----BY FAR------I COULD go on.


SO---the 18 weeks of training begins the first full week in July----OH GOOD---it should be NICE AND HOT by then!


In the MEANTIME---I need to get up to a 10 mile base---start running 4 days a week and cross training and lifting weights-----AND GET FASTER-----to START the training


AND NO---if you get in----you DO IT!  CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!


SO---God---I guess you thought this was the ONLY WAY to get me motivated to get back into great shape. You know what's best, God---THANK YOU ----in advance----for getting me through the preparation to train and the training itself.  I just LOVE Your sense of humor!

HEY LORD!

Hey Lord!!!  It's ME AGAIN!  I have my rear in another crack---I KNOW you are not surprised---but I AM asking for a little relief here!


I find myself once again to have slipped down the path of "What Could It Hurt" and the slippery slope of "Given Enough Time".  WHAT was I thinking when I entered the lottery for the NYC Marathon?  Well we both know Lord---THINKING is the definitive word---that which I WAS NOT doing!  


God, You above all others,  KNOW what I piece of shimmering---blubber--I currently am---AND You CERTAINLY know---I couldn't run 26.2 miles in a week--currently-much less in one fluid motion.


I have entered the season of regret and self loathing for this impetus and irrational decision and ONCE AGAIN---I am coming to You for rescue.


OH GOD----HIDE MY NAME AMONG THE LEGIONS!  Stick my entry on the bottom of the heap----score my entry--unreadable---JUST DO NOT LET THEM PULL MY NUMBER!


I will NOT- well I shouldn't lie to to You, Lord---I will TRY to restrain my Impulses when I think I am still 40---WELL EVEN 50---Lord.  I will endeavor to remember just how old I am and what sorry shape I am in and just how many years You have promised me---and TRY to keep from getting in this crack again.  For now, Lord, though,   PLEASE DON'T LET THEM PULL MY NUMBER WEDNESDAY!


I love You, Lord and THANK YOU AHEAD OF TIME FOR YOUR CONSTANT PROTECTION FROM MY SELF and the paths of destruction I seem to chose!