I had a message from one of my young friends today that I was a real BAD A__! She said, "I would have been in a puddle after all that has happened and Lora has sold a house, bought a house and gone to work. I would LOVE to take the credit--BUT the credit all goes to God. There have been plenty of times that I would have LOVED to have crawled in the bed, put the covers over my head, and slept for a 1000 years-- God had other plans for me. He has continually opened doors and been my total provision!
With that said, I do want you to know that I have carefully examined my rear---and REALLY I don't see ANYTHING that is bad about it! Looks pretty normal to me! I did get puffed up for 15 seconds and seriously consider getting some pants with those very words written across them. The only thing about that at my age is that there is a REAL possibility that the letters might slant down on one side. What would that say about me? There is also a possibility that the letters might run all together after ---well you do understand what might draw the letters together. NOT ATTRACTIVE! THEN there is the possibility that the letters might be REALLY SPREAD OUT!------MY MY MY!
Well with all that said--instead of Steel Magnolia--I guess you can call me "Brass Boo Day"!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
DROOPY!
Today has been an incredibly difficult day. I turned over the keys of the home I have lived in for 27 years this Labor Day. The only saving grace was the sweet family that will be moving in with 3 active boys and knowing how much those boys are going to love the Vienna abode and all the critters. Being told news that I knew was coming--but somehow still dreaded capped the day off. It was a relief to go to work---and another day I will post about just what I am doing--I KNOW you all are sitting with bated breath waiting--but really it's MOST interesting.
So instead of dwelling on my sadness and heartbreak---I instead will give you the other side of my under girding story. If you remember I recently posted about getting to the bottom of the basket of underwear and having to resort to spandex -----and it strangling me to death by the end of the day. Today---I have a quite different tale---NOW this is about underwear SO MEN--do any men read this ---well anyway---MEN don't be offended--you might have the same problem.
ANYWAY!----today I pulled out a pair of panties based upon the color they were (NO I do not wear all white panties!) If you know me---you know I have lost quite a bit of weight--if you don't let's just say I am down 3 sizes. SO I put on this lovely pair of panties--that fit sometime in the past. NOW in case you are not aware--elastic loses it's elasticity with time---anyway---the elastic is also NOT what it used to be. SO--I spend the day trying to delicately pull up my panties--without anyone really knowing what I am doing. This involves things like turning sideways and quickly jerking one side up--but then I'm uptight on one side and hanging low on the other. Then I tried the back into the file cabinet and rise up on your toes--that did NOT work. Finally I just went around the corner gave it a good jerk and kept on trucking. I was SO relieved to get home and the end of the day with no evidence ever being around my ankles! NOW THAT would have been a post.
I really decided on my way home that I didn't feel so bad after I saw this "Dude" on the side of the road with his shorts just above the things he really needs to cover and he has one hand holding them on while talking on his cell with the other as the traffic whizzes by. ONE BIG TRUCK and he would have been exposed to the world--literally!
So instead of dwelling on my sadness and heartbreak---I instead will give you the other side of my under girding story. If you remember I recently posted about getting to the bottom of the basket of underwear and having to resort to spandex -----and it strangling me to death by the end of the day. Today---I have a quite different tale---NOW this is about underwear SO MEN--do any men read this ---well anyway---MEN don't be offended--you might have the same problem.
ANYWAY!----today I pulled out a pair of panties based upon the color they were (NO I do not wear all white panties!) If you know me---you know I have lost quite a bit of weight--if you don't let's just say I am down 3 sizes. SO I put on this lovely pair of panties--that fit sometime in the past. NOW in case you are not aware--elastic loses it's elasticity with time---anyway---the elastic is also NOT what it used to be. SO--I spend the day trying to delicately pull up my panties--without anyone really knowing what I am doing. This involves things like turning sideways and quickly jerking one side up--but then I'm uptight on one side and hanging low on the other. Then I tried the back into the file cabinet and rise up on your toes--that did NOT work. Finally I just went around the corner gave it a good jerk and kept on trucking. I was SO relieved to get home and the end of the day with no evidence ever being around my ankles! NOW THAT would have been a post.
I really decided on my way home that I didn't feel so bad after I saw this "Dude" on the side of the road with his shorts just above the things he really needs to cover and he has one hand holding them on while talking on his cell with the other as the traffic whizzes by. ONE BIG TRUCK and he would have been exposed to the world--literally!
Monday, August 29, 2011
IF YOU MUST---THEN
I went for a "New House" shopping trip today. I made an executive decision---if you are sleeping alone---you should sleep on REALLY GOOD sheets! I may slide off the bed on those "really nice---soft----wonderful sheets! A little preview of Heaven.
One of my new neighbors commented on one of my posts that they INDEED do have varmints and critters here in the French Quarter. AND HERE I AM UNARMED---!!!! I have my 38 revolver--BUT that would bring the local "High Sheriff" for SURE. Perhaps someone out there has a shotgun with a silencer? Do they make such a thing? My new neighbors would be SO appreciative if I would rid them of the "Devil Creature"----the armadillo.
Most of my neighbors have these angels and other sweet things in their yards. If you come looking for me---my house is the one with the armadillo yard art. A gift from my sweet friends!
One of my new neighbors commented on one of my posts that they INDEED do have varmints and critters here in the French Quarter. AND HERE I AM UNARMED---!!!! I have my 38 revolver--BUT that would bring the local "High Sheriff" for SURE. Perhaps someone out there has a shotgun with a silencer? Do they make such a thing? My new neighbors would be SO appreciative if I would rid them of the "Devil Creature"----the armadillo.
Most of my neighbors have these angels and other sweet things in their yards. If you come looking for me---my house is the one with the armadillo yard art. A gift from my sweet friends!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
DOWN IN THE FRENCH QUARTER!!!!
Well for all of you that are currently stuck in your rut---I'm down in the French Quarter---well that is the Ruston version of the French Quarter. My friend Sam's small group came and moved all my furniture and heavy things Friday night after I had spent the week moving-1429 boxes of "Stuff". After having a garage sale and hauling truck loads of stuff off---I still have LOTS! I know those sweet men were relieved that I had moved all the boxes--especially after they told the story of the last woman they moved who had not packed one box when they arrived to move her. They told the story of throwing clothes on a flat bed trailer at the end and driving them to the new house. NOW I don't know about you but as for me---I don't really care to have my underwear blowing in the wind for all to see as a team of men drive them across town. Thankfully I have only moved about a mile---but STILL! The way to impress your new neighbors is to NOT have your underwear strewn all over the neighborhood!
I have decided to turn myself in to the reality show "Hoarders". I definitely quality. After selling, giving away, and junking TONS of stuff--well 40 years of accumulation---I still have a house crammed full. I have begun analyzing just what I do have. Now WHY in the world would I need 200 glasses of various sizes and shapes. I am currently having a soda and I don't believe I can drink out of more than one glass at a time. And that rice cooker---why I did a perfectly good job of cooking rice on top of the stove for most of may life--WHY did I think I needed a rice cooker-which by the way I very seldom ever use. The crock pot---when is the last time I used that crock? How many towels do I need to dry off and do I EVER use more than one rag at a time to dust. YES----"Hoarders Anonymous" here I come! BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT THE ICE CREAM MAKER---Blue Bell may be good-but there's just nothing like homemade --that I make about every 5 years!
SO I have vowed to clean out some more----"But I will think about that tomorrow!" I have made a very important decision----the next move will be in the hearse!
I have decided to turn myself in to the reality show "Hoarders". I definitely quality. After selling, giving away, and junking TONS of stuff--well 40 years of accumulation---I still have a house crammed full. I have begun analyzing just what I do have. Now WHY in the world would I need 200 glasses of various sizes and shapes. I am currently having a soda and I don't believe I can drink out of more than one glass at a time. And that rice cooker---why I did a perfectly good job of cooking rice on top of the stove for most of may life--WHY did I think I needed a rice cooker-which by the way I very seldom ever use. The crock pot---when is the last time I used that crock? How many towels do I need to dry off and do I EVER use more than one rag at a time to dust. YES----"Hoarders Anonymous" here I come! BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT THE ICE CREAM MAKER---Blue Bell may be good-but there's just nothing like homemade --that I make about every 5 years!
SO I have vowed to clean out some more----"But I will think about that tomorrow!" I have made a very important decision----the next move will be in the hearse!
TRANSPLANTING
I am almost transplanted. Stories coming---back on line and almost settled. Hang with me---By the way I really do think I saw an armidillo divet in the front yard of the new abode---Now that I am unarmed--well except for my 38 pistol---what a shame!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
ONE SIZE SHOULD FIT ALL
I LOVE my friends--they have been such a HUGE SUPER help with my move. We had 7 + painting Friday night and supper brought to us all. What a Blessings!
When I took another load in the truck today, and after unloading and putting away---decided to put the plate faces back on in my bedroom and bathroom that they had removed and mixed in one big pile. I am slightly challenged when it comes to this type of activity--BUT would never let that stop me from trying!
There were several types of plate faces and 3----count them 3 different sizes of screws. WELL NOW---what in the world ? These are all face plates for electric outlets and switches---WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU NEED 3 DIFFERENT SIZE SCREWS???? I'm as good at screwing things in as anyone else---but this took WAY TOO LONG! I had to figure out which screw went with which type of outlet or switch. I am a little unhappy with the screw people---but give them credit where credit is due----the genius in their plan---we have to buy the 3 different kinds of screws. ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!
My final question---WHY would their be a plug in the water closet (You know the loo) ?????? I do not require an answer!
When I took another load in the truck today, and after unloading and putting away---decided to put the plate faces back on in my bedroom and bathroom that they had removed and mixed in one big pile. I am slightly challenged when it comes to this type of activity--BUT would never let that stop me from trying!
There were several types of plate faces and 3----count them 3 different sizes of screws. WELL NOW---what in the world ? These are all face plates for electric outlets and switches---WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU NEED 3 DIFFERENT SIZE SCREWS???? I'm as good at screwing things in as anyone else---but this took WAY TOO LONG! I had to figure out which screw went with which type of outlet or switch. I am a little unhappy with the screw people---but give them credit where credit is due----the genius in their plan---we have to buy the 3 different kinds of screws. ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!
My final question---WHY would their be a plug in the water closet (You know the loo) ?????? I do not require an answer!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
DO NOT PUT OFF YOUR LAUNDRY!
I was in QUITE the dilemma yesterday when getting dressed to go to work. It seems I was down to the bottom of the basket when it came to underwear. Laundry has taken a backseat to packing---so this just slipped up on me--plus I have to change clothes almost every day twice after sweating a bucket in this 100 degree weather.
I start digging---NOT wanting to resort to the tactic I have heard many a college student uses--turning it inside out ----JUST YUCK! I finally come up with what Momma would call a pantie girdle---what I would call spandex panties. Momma CERTAINLY NEVER left home without her girdle! I wore this to Camille's wedding in an abundance of caution---not wanting to think about holding my stomach in all night while dancing and celebrating. So I throw them on----well not exactly throw----it's more like stuffing a sausage into its casing. You've got to kind of wiggle into it.
Now the day starts off fine---but as the day progresses---I notice I am feeling bound---more hours and it is more like constricted----by the end of the day--it's like I am being strangled but just lower--I am certainly cutting off important blood flow to all my lower extremities.
I feel the spandex digging into my legs---creeping up where it is most uncomfortable and digging into my gut. Instead of holding my fat in---it has now made an escape and is hanging over the waist. I look like these 50 year old men that run around bragging about wearing the same size trousers they wore in high school and their nine month belly completely hiding the fact that they are now wearing the waist slightly above their crotch. It is LOVELY!
They should really think about using these when trying to get information out of prisoners or terrorists. MUCH MORE effective than water-boarding---a few hours in this baby and they will be spilling their guts!
Enough of all this----I have GOT to go do the laundry!
I start digging---NOT wanting to resort to the tactic I have heard many a college student uses--turning it inside out ----JUST YUCK! I finally come up with what Momma would call a pantie girdle---what I would call spandex panties. Momma CERTAINLY NEVER left home without her girdle! I wore this to Camille's wedding in an abundance of caution---not wanting to think about holding my stomach in all night while dancing and celebrating. So I throw them on----well not exactly throw----it's more like stuffing a sausage into its casing. You've got to kind of wiggle into it.
Now the day starts off fine---but as the day progresses---I notice I am feeling bound---more hours and it is more like constricted----by the end of the day--it's like I am being strangled but just lower--I am certainly cutting off important blood flow to all my lower extremities.
I feel the spandex digging into my legs---creeping up where it is most uncomfortable and digging into my gut. Instead of holding my fat in---it has now made an escape and is hanging over the waist. I look like these 50 year old men that run around bragging about wearing the same size trousers they wore in high school and their nine month belly completely hiding the fact that they are now wearing the waist slightly above their crotch. It is LOVELY!
They should really think about using these when trying to get information out of prisoners or terrorists. MUCH MORE effective than water-boarding---a few hours in this baby and they will be spilling their guts!
Enough of all this----I have GOT to go do the laundry!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)