HOW DID I GET HERE?

I walked away from work tonight asking myself this very question. Why am I working at almost 63 years of age---instead of doing all those things I so dearly love---volunteering/cooking/gardening/reading/exercising/traveling on and on---I have LOTS of things that I love to do---but there is no time-or I am too exhausted to really pursue them anymore. I am working again.


I never dreamed that I would be where I am today. It never occurred to me that circumstances would require this---but I am where I am. I suppose what brought on this questioning time was the fact that my current job is almost over---I will be retained to check with the company for 1/2 a day per week---but the day in day out is almost over. So I am beginning to look around and make inquiries again.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a president from a local bank.

When discussing with him coming by to talk this over with him, he asked did I mind if the 4 other commerical loan officers sat in on the meeting. "That would be great". So I will be in the room with 5 bankers--trying to sell my services. NOW that is daunting!


I am thankful that I LOVE what I am doing and that God has opened doors for me. It could be worse--I could be where I am and have no skills---but I do have skills, wisdom and maturity. I just need to get that second wind to be able to do it all again---perhaps it is like endurance running---it will come with practice and time.

MIRACLE DRUG!

There is a NEW--better and improved drug out on the market for your indigestion/runny nose/ in grown toenail. It will CURE any of these ailments!

Please be aware though that even when it cures these minor everyday occurences--it might also cause these side effects--

Heart Failure
COPD
Pneumonia
Tired Leg Syndrome
Chronic Back Ache/Leg Ache/Stomach Ache/Head Ache
Fallen Arches
Toe nail fungus
Psychotic Tendancies
Athletes Foot
Jock Itch (Men Only)
and sometimes unpredictable suicide

BUT your runny nose, indigestion and achy toenail will be cured!

OH GOOD GRIEF------!

I am sick and tired of all these decisions I am having to make!!! Ok---so I am mowing my own yard----and I do not want to hear how easy that most be with only 1/3 of an acre----I am using an old fashioned---you propel it yourself lawnmower. NOW ---I like to be independent--I have a nice young man that will come mow my yard and edge for me---BUT he uses a BIG-HEAVY mower---which I don't like the way it makes my yard look---SO I MOW!

Today I decided that I would go shopping for a self-propelled mower---WHOOPEEE---it provides the energy! So I pull into the Honda store---NOW I should have KNOWN I was in for trouble when I looked around and EVERY vehicle in the parking lot was either carrying a 4 wheeler in the back or camouflagued-----DEAD GIVE AWAY I AM OUT OF MY ELEMENT!

So LONG time friend and owner John greets me at the door---after he tells me all about his wife's health issues and thoroughly depresses me about our bodies all falling apart as we get older and you are NEVER going to get over this--He hands me off to a nice young sales--NO health complaints--THANKFULLY

I tell him what I am looking for and then the converstion begins---most of the basics I get since I DO have a mower--but then he starts in with the self-propelled requires an additional lever---but you don't have to use it---and you can bag or you can mulch instead--WAIT I thought when you mowed over something it WAS mulch---it's just leave it or bag it. SO then he give me the price---I pick my jaw up off the floor ---but then think well that's basically 8 mowings by someone else.

THEN I remember I like things neat and edged. I ask him about an edger----I glassed over when he got to the point of telling me about the 10 ft of string you wind into the do-ma-hicky that holds it and how EASY that is & OH YES---it is easy start. YEAH RIGHT NONE of this stuff is easy start.

So now I'm home and I'm in resting after mowing 1/2 the yard with my old stand by---time to get back out there.---and I'll think about a new mower/edger tomorrow-SCARLETT!

ADAPTING TO CHANGE

One of the most difficult parts of being alone--is the weekend. My life is such a whirl of busy and activity and work during the week--that I usually fall into bed at night--almost too exhausted to think about it. On Friday night though---I come home----and don't have to think about tomorrow's work---or try to prepare for it---It is too late and I am too exhausted to begin weekend chores--the house is quiet--there is NEVER anything on television. It is a difficult time.

I was thinking this over tonight and I know MANY people are alone out there---they have worked all this out and I have to figure out how to do that also. Right now---I don't know how and I miss someone listening to me talk about my week and hearing about their week.

If I could just sense you listening---perhaps just writing about it would be enough---but I don't think it is the same.

My latest contract is winding down and I will be looking for the next one probably next week. This contract has turned into return visits of 1/2 a day a week---now if I could just find 9-10 more just like that. I will say I have LOVED working--it is stimulating and I am being stretched out of my comfort zone. That is a great thing. God has blessed me so far with opportunity and fellow Believers who have used my services. We will see what He has in store next for me next. He is teaching me that He is faithfully sustaining me--even in the most arid of deserts.

WHAT ABOUT VACATION??????

I hate to whine and complain---but when you have grown accustomed to certain things---you think you are entitled----THUS the welfare system---SORRY--wrong track!

For the first year in 40 years----I have not had a vacation. I have had some wonderful times with my children and grandchildren---but no VACATE-ion----Just nose to the grindstone. SO I have not had the chance to de-stress-un-wind-lay-back---HAVE A BREAK!

My running buddies went to Canada this year to hike---I didn't go

My running buddies are going to Italy next summer---I am not going

Perhaps I should buy a tent and go camping at LPP.

ONE HAND ONLY----

I've had a little boo-boo removed. Thank goodness I have a cute young doctor to help get me through the pain. I have a cyst on my ring finger on my right hand. THANK GOODNESS IT'S NOT ON MY TRIGGER FINGER! How do they take care of this? The first step is trying to drain the cyst---now doesn't that sound like fun! Unfortunately the cyst is on the part of my finger that I rest on while writing and I write a LOT at work. SO--the cyst was becoming a problem-- Dr puts a syringe filled with med in one side of the cyst and the other side he puts an unfilled syringe that he uses to suction off the fluid filled cyst. WHAT FUN!

He explained that this is not usually successful as he put a splint on to protect the finger--the next step is surgery----Don't think so! Can't work with that!

I've had a growth on my left ring finger too---the growth turned into a real problem---becoming an inflamed---reddened---wart like growth---that would go and come--go and come for years...I finally had to have it cut off---Now all that's left is a huge scar that causes great pain from time to time. Thank goodness I am predominately right handed---I can still function, work, and keep on going. It's just that the left hand ---the partner to the right---needed for so many functions in life---well it's become useless. HOW SAD!

POUR ME OUT WITH THE DISHWATER!

I am feeling like you do after you prep for a colonoscopy---sorry I don't know a better description. It's that feeling like someone has sucked every ounce of your being out and then for extra measure gave it a wring out the other way. Perhaps it is the weaning off the happy pills--and finally having to really deal with where I am. I don't know--why---I just know what I feel---and that is not good at the moment.

Ok-Mike Jones--you told me to tell how I feel--be honest---so I am being honest---and more than likely everyone is sick and tired of hearing about it---I am tired of crying and tired of looking at my navel--it's not a very attractive navel----sick & tired of being sick & tired.

HELLO GOD----I'm hurting down here! WHY WHY WHY---that's all I need to know.

Dear Thelma,

I'll buy the convertible with my IRA----I'll fill it up with gas---I'll buy a GPS that finds the nearest cliff---When can you come?

Louise

Don't take that seriously--my sick attempt at levity!